


Of Emerald Hearts and Obsidian Rooms

by mizrosecat



Series: stravverse [5]
Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drinking, Emotional Sex, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Heartache, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Porn with Feelings, References to Addiction, Smoking, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:40:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26398051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizrosecat/pseuds/mizrosecat
Summary: Jongin and Taemin dance around each other for years, but how much longer can they pretend they aren't more than friends?
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin
Series: stravverse [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802713
Comments: 204
Kudos: 267





	1. First kiss

**Author's Note:**

> here we go! another independent addition to my stravverse. this one tells the story of Taemin and Jongin's relationship from 2013 Melon Awards and on. if by any chance you read Blindspot or Of Black Swans and Red Knots (they are both set in 2020), you know how they are at that moment in time. but this story is about all the things that weren't explained in the other fics because one is just a short smut and the other is focused on Lucas/Ten.
> 
> anyway, you don't have to read those or any other fics in this series to enjoy this!
> 
> disclaimer: **first of all, this is fiction**. i did research and based on real life, but in the end this is not supposed to be an encyclopedia detailing their activities. it's a story about their love. there are creative choices that i know probably never happened in real life and i'm not implying they did. **second** , i'll mention Jongin's other f/m relationships, but never focus on them, because that's not what the story is about. **third** , regarding some tragic events we know happened in their lives, they won't be directly mentioned, because that's also not the focus of the story! feel free to ask me about it if you need to.

_“A stone of inspiration and infinite patience, it embodies unity, compassion and unconditional love. Emerald promotes friendship, balance between partners, and is particularly known for providing domestic bliss, contentment and loyalty. It was dedicated in the ancient world to the goddess Venus for its ability to insure security in love.”_ [¹](https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/emerald)

They are at the Four Seasons where the SM afterparty for the Melon Awards is happening, celebrating with their groups and one another. Taemin is on his fifth glass of champagne, probably drunk already because he is a lightweight, and Jongin is not drinking but feels just as buzzed as his friend. They have been giggling at a corner for a while, in their own little world that Jongin adored. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with everyone else. It’s just that he and Taemin are like magnets. Putting them remotely close makes them attached and hard to pull apart.

“Oh, God” Taemin blinks a couple times. “I feel so hot.”

Jongin puts the back of his hand on Taemin’s cheek and they both smile.

“It’s probably the alcohol” he says.

“Come with me” asks Taemin, taking his hand.

They find a private restroom and Jongin locks the door behind them as Taemin leans over the sink to splash some water on his face. Jongin takes a couple paper towels and gets close to him. He dabs it on Taemin's skin.

“Any better?”

“Yes” grins Taemin, with a satisfied expression.

Jongin throws the paper towels away.

“I’m so happy, Nini” sighs Taemin.

“I know” Jongin closes the distance between them and wraps his hands around Taemin’s waist. “So am I.”

Taemin rests his forehead against Jongin’s. “We made it so far.”

“We did” Jongin doesn’t wanna cry again, but that makes him emotional. “Together.”

Taemin’s hands slide over Jongin’s shoulders until he has his arms wrapped around his neck. Jongin closes his eyes and they stay like that for a while, breath fanning against each other’s face. His lungs are full with Taemin’s perfume mixed with champagne. 

“Nini” Taemin whispers, rubbing his nose against Jongin’s, in a tone that makes Jongin shiver. It seems like he wants to say something.

“Tell me” asks Jongin, sure that Taemin has a question for him.

But instead of talking, Taemin leans in.

At first, Jongin is stunned when Taemin brushes his lips against his. He has no reaction to the light touch, except for complete and utter shock. But then something clicks in his mind and Jongin closes his eyes, giving into that warmth. His hands on Taemin tighten, and he starts kissing him back, even if he doesn’t understand how this is happening at all.

Taemin sighs when Jongin pulls him closer, bodies molding against each other. He knots his finger on Jongin’s hair, holding on. Soon their mouths are opening, tongues brushing, and the kiss becomes heated. Jongin feels inebriated. He puts Taemin against the sink and presses his body on him, hands smoothing the small of his back. Taemin bites his lower lip and Jongin’s cock twitches.

The thought that he is making out with his best friend in a restroom during a company afterparty is pushed to the back of his mind. It’s like they aren’t the same Jongin and Taemin, but other people entirely, something out of fiction, characters in a movie. And in this movie, Taemin is a hell of a good kisser. Jongin wonders where he learned to kiss like that and suddenly feels jealous thinking of him with someone else. That only makes Jongin kiss him harder, sucking and nibbling his lips until they are red and plush, until he hears Taemin humming against his mouth because it’s so good. 

They are out of breath but won’t stop, their bodies hot like a fever. Taemin’s hands find their way under Jongin’s shirt and the contact of skin to skin makes him melt. His dick has been throbbing for a while now, trapped inside the tight pants and pressed against Taemin’s groin. He would have been self-conscious before, but somehow he doesn’t care. He just wants to be closer and closer to Taemin, unravel him, take off his clothes and…

A loud insistent knock on the door startles them apart. Taemin’s hand flies to his puffy lips and he looks panicked. 

“Hello? Is anyone there??” it’s Baekhyun.

They can hear giggles outside. Jongin clears his throat. 

“Jongin, get out, we wanna use the bathroom” says Baekhyun.

He tries to adjust his erection discreetly. “Give me a second.”

“We saw you and Taemin getting in. What are you doing in there all this time?” Baekhyun is laughing along with someone else.

Taemin is washing his face again and Jongin feels his heat up. At least his cock is starting to deflate completely while Baekhyun banters with him through the closed door.

“For fuck’s sake” Jongin mutters.

It’s Taemin who takes the initiative to open the door. He has a big smile on his face. Outside are Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

“What took you guys so long?” Chanyeol asks, coming in.

“We were just gossiping like old hags” Taemin says flippantly. 

“Yeah, we were” Jongin agrees.

“We should probably head back” Taemin says, going out and Jongin follows him.

They walk back to the party in silence. Jongin feels the back of his neck running cold.

“Taeminnie!” yells Minho appearing out of nowhere. “Where were you?”

“Bathroom” he answers.

“Did you have too much to drink?”

“I’m okay” Taemin laughs.

And Minho pulls Taemin away to be with their group, and Taemin shows no resistance. Jongin just stays behind and finds his own bandmates. 

They don’t talk about it.

It’s like it never happened.

Months go by and then it’s a new year, and still they never address the situation. 

Jongin can’t say that it doesn’t bother him. But he’s too scared to ask or bring it up, because Taemin had a few drinks that night and he wonders if everything happened because of the alcohol. Except Jongin was stone cold sober and he can’t deny how much he enjoyed it. He kissed his fair share of women, but that was the first time kissing a man, and out of anyone, it had been Taemin, his best friend, someone he knew since he was in school. He didn’t know the rules in this case. He didn’t know how to act.

At least nothing changes in their relationship and Jongin is glad because of it. Eventually, Jongin just accepts that it was a one time thing, a crazy event caused by their high at the moment.

That lasts until 2014’s SMTOWN in Seoul.


	2. Deepest Desire

After the concert, everyone wants to grab drinks, so Jongin goes home to get ready with his EXO members. He and Taemin had been inseparable that night, to the point of annoying other people. So it isn’t strange to Jongin when he gets a text from Taemin asking him to stop by his dorm so they can go together to whatever bar the others decide.

“Why can’t you just meet him there?” asks Junmyeon.

Jongin shrugs.

“Just let them do what they want” says Baekhyun with indifference. “Aren’t you used to the twisted brothers antics by now?”

“Shut up” laughs Jongin. “I’m leaving.”

Baekhyun sticks out his tongue and Jongin replies with the middle finger.

When Jongin gets to SHINee’s dorm, they take a while to answer the door. Jongin rings the doorbell again, wondering if Taemin forgot and left without telling him.

“Coming!” he hears

Taemin opens the door flustered. “Sorry, I was drying my hair.”

“I thought you forgot about me” smiles Jongin, going in. “Where is everyone?”

“They left already” says Taemin. “They said I take too long to get ready.”

Jongin laughs. “They are probably right.”

Taemin pouts. Jongin notices he is wearing just a white bathrobe.

“Then help me!” he says. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Sure.”

They head to the kitchen and Taemin grabs a bottle of vodka. “That’s all we have.”

“You are drinking that straight?’ he’s a bit shocked.

Jongin pulls a chair and takes a seat.

“Why not?” Taemin is staring at him curiously. “Don’t be a scaredy cat. It’s good.”

Taemin pours two drinks and slides one towards Jongin.

“I guess” he says and brings the glass near his mouth, taking a sip. “Damn, that’s strong.”

Taemin downs his shot in a gulp and makes a satisfied noise after. He smiles at Jongin’s frown. 

“Just swallow everything, Jongin” he laughs. “Do I have to teach you how to drink?”

Jongin makes a sour face but does as he says. The liquid burns down his throat, but it’s not so bad after all. Taemin is still smiling at him mischievously.

“What?”

“You make adorable faces.”

“No I don’t.”

“You are adorable.”

“I’m not” grins Jongin.

Taemin closes the distance between them and takes Jongin’s cheeks in his hands, pinching lightly. 

“Yes, you are.”

Jongin can only stare up at Taemin’s shining eyes. He’s close, a bit too close, resting in between Jongin’s legs. His mind circles back to the night at the Four Seasons, when they kissed. He gulps and feels his face heating up, so he slides his arms around Taemin and pulls him closer, hiding it against his stomach. Taemin’s hands cling to his hair, massaging his skull. Jongin shuts his eyes.

“That’s nice” he sighs.

They stay like that in silence for a while, just feeling each other. Until Taemin pulls back and looks at him.

“Come help me” he says, and his voice is different than usual. There is a tinge to it that Jongin only heard once before.

Taemin grabs the bottle and the cups and leads Jongin into his room. He drinks another shot and pours one more round for the both of them.

“Who taught you to drink like that? You used to be a lightweight” asks Jongin sitting on Taemin’s bed.

“My hyungs, obviously” Taemin smirks. He walks to the closet and opens it up, searching for something to wear.

Jongin takes another sip of vodka hesitantly. He isn’t used to drinking even if his hyungs do it.

“What about this?” Taemin pulls a shirt from the rack and shows it to him.

“Cute.”

“Cute? I don’t wanna be cute” he puts it back. “Not tonight.”

Jongin chuckles. “Why?”

Taemin shrugs. “I don’t know.”

He proceeds to take some pieces out and lay them on Jonghyun’s bed, then he sits beside Jongin, who’s still nursing half of his drink. 

“Give it to me” he says, taking the cup from him and downing it. “Now tell me what to wear.”

Jongin just stares at him with a smile.

“What?’

“Nothing” he says. “It’s just that you…”

Taemin raises his eyebrows in question. Jongin lets a laugh escape. 

“Stop laughing at me” Taemin pushes his shoulder.

That only makes Jongin laugh harder and he grabs Taemin by the wrist so he’ll stop pinching him. They start a playful fight. But Taemin is skinny and Jongin is not, so soon he can overpower his friend, pinning him against the bed. 

“Jongin, get off me” Taemin laughs. 

“No” he smiles. 

Taemin’s chest is rising and falling, blond hair disheveled with some strands covering his eyes. Jongin lets go of one of his wrists to take Taemin’s bangs off his face. He maps his features, eyes stopping on Taemin’s pink full lips that are parted slightly. Suddenly any trace of laughter or teasing has died down and it’s just the two of them staring at each other, part of Jongin’s body pressing against Taemin’s. 

With his free hand, Taemin touches Jongin’s cheek softly, almost like he is scared to break him.

“Nini” he whispers.

Taemin grabs Jongin collars and pulls him closer. Because of this, they readjust themselves on the bed and Jongin is lying on top of him completely. Taemin is tracing Jongin’s face with his fingers, while he strokes Taemin’s chin and jawline.

“Taemin, we-”

Jongin can’t finish his sentence, a sentence he’s been dying to say for a long time, because Taemin grabs him by the nape and kisses him. This time Jongin isn’t that surprised, but it still takes him a while to respond. When his reaction finally kicks in, it’s intense. He tightens his grip around Taemin’s wrist. His mouth parts and he deepens the kiss, looking for Taemin’s tongue with hunger. Jongin cups his face and holds him under his touch relentlessly. Taemin hums and bites his lip hard, clutching to Jongin’s hair like his life depends on it. 

The heat increases quickly as well as the force of their kiss. Jongin’s cock starts filling up, the pool of lust only growing in his body. Jongin starts mouthing Taemin’s jaw and neck, going down to the exposed shoulder. He lets go of Taemin to pull open his robes open a bit more, showing the fair skin of his chest. Jongin nibbles Taemin's nipple and he can hear him moan hoarsely. It’s a heavenly sound.

Taemin reaches for the hem of Jongin’s shirt and pulls it off before they resume kissing intensely. Jongin rolls his hips against Taemin, who can’t help another moan. He can feel Taemin is just as turned on as him, but he doesn’t know what to do about it. At least not rationally. The feral side in him wants to undress Taemin and kiss his entire body - but there’s still fear, something that holds him back. Because it’s Taemin, his best friend. Can they really do this?

Like he is reading his mind, Taemin’s hands slide down to Jongin’s belt and start undoing it. He gives him room to work on it and Taemin is throwing the piece away in a flash. Then he opens Jongin’s pants. They stop everything.

Taemin looks up at Jongin. Both are panting.

“Tell me I should stop” he says.

Jongin stares into Taemin’s dark eyes.

“Don’t stop.”

Taemin bites his own lower lip. Without breaking eye contact, he slowly slides his hand inside Jongin underwear, taking his cock out. Jongin can’t help a gasp at the touch. Taemin lets out a shaky exhale as he coats his fingers with precome and fists the erection tightly. Jongin’s breath is laboured. His right hand opens Taemin’s robe and he’s completely naked under it. Jongin touches Taemin’s cock, making him moan. It’s hard as a rock and wet with precome. He closes his fingers around it and starts working it as Taemin does the same to him.

They don’t take their eyes off each other as their noises increase by the minute, their heartbeats and breathing in sync. 

“Faster” Taemin asks, with a trembling voice coated in desire. 

Jongin complies and Taemin’s eyes roll back, moans loud and unabashed now. Jongin just keeps watching him fall apart, marveled at the lewd scene. Jongin doesn’t even realize how close he is to his orgasm when Taemin cries out loud and cums all over his stomach and chest. Seeing that tips Jongin over, and his own cum falls all over Taemin’s fair skin. 

Jongin rolls to the side, trembling. They are panting hard and covered in a thin layer of sweat as if they ran miles.

Jongin waits as he comes down from his high with his eyes closed. It takes a while. Taemin remains immobile by his side as well. 

“I don't think we are making it to the bar” says Taemin suddenly.

Jongin bursts out laughing and Taemin joins him. They just cackle for a while, like two crazy old witches, until they are out of breath again.

“Oh, God” tries Taemin. “Can you get me some tissues?”

“Sure.”

Jongin finally sits up and finds them over the nightstand. He hands some to Taemin and helps him wipe his chest and belly. After that, Taemin throws it out and goes to the bathroom to clean himself better. Jongin puts his shirt again. When Taemin comes back, he places the clothes back inside the closet and takes out his pajamas.

Taemin turns to Jongin. “Do you still wanna go?”

Jongin looks at him. “Not really.”

“Me neither. I’m sleepy. I’m gonna change into my pajamas, be right back” he says.

Jongin finds it funny that they had each other’s cocks out in their hands a couple minutes ago but Taemin won’t change in front of him. He tries not to think about it too deeply.

He tries not to think about it when he realizes he wanted to keep kissing Taemin after that.

He tries not to think about it when Taemin acts like nothing happened.

He tries not to think about it when he leaves back for his dorm, feeling confused.

He tries not to think about it when he lays down to sleep, still somehow feeling Taemin’s perfume all around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanna say that there will be taemin's pov at some point and we will understand what goes on in his mind :)
> 
> let me know what you think! ♥


	3. First Times

Jongin and Taemin’s friendship remains the same yet again. Months pass where they are both busy with work, especially Taemin with his solo debut being so successful. They could spend long periods without seeing each other and when they do, it’s like always. 

But Jongin still thinks about the kiss and Taemin’s touch. And touching Taemin like that, so intimately, in a way he had never touched anyone before. Sometimes it kills his sleep at night and he turns around for hours just remembering and reliving it in his head. He sees Taemin’s lips in the darkness and feels his hand on him, as his cock starts to harden. Sometimes he feels guilty for everything, and confused, because the lines can become so blurred in his mind and heart.

He has loved Taemin as a friend for years, that is a fact. But as time passes, the physical attraction he feels for his friend just becomes clearer.

And it scares him for many reasons. First, Taemin is basically his childhood friend. Secondly, that clearly means he is bissexual and it takes time to get used to that idea, even if he knows both Chanyeol and Baekhyun have hooked up with girls and each other already. Third, Jongin doesn’t want anything to ruin his friendship with Taemin. Ever.

For the latter reason, Jongin is determined to, at all costs, keep his attraction in check, believing it will die down eventually. Because it’s not like he only sees Taemin that way now. Truly, it’s just a new angle added to his vision of him, a new color to a kaleidoscope. It complements what he already feels for Taemin. And what he feels is a prismatic explosion of hues.

Sometimes he wishes Taemin didn’t shine so bright.

They are in Osaka, after the SMTOWN concert.

Jongin just got out of the shower as he hears his phone pinging. Kyungsoo, whom he’s sharing the hotel room with, is reading on the bed absentmindedly. Jongin waddles to his nightstand where his phone is charging and finds a text from Taemin, inviting him over to his room. He puts on his pajamas.

“I’m going to Taeminnie’s” he says.

“Hm” agrees Kyungsoo, not taking his eyes off the page.

Jongin pads through the halls, hearing laughter coming from many rooms. Probably a bunch of idols and rookies having a good time after the concert. Taemin’s room is not far and soon he’s knocking on his door.

“Nini!” he shouts happily. Jongin smiles. “Come in.”

Taemin pulls him into a tight hug. 

“Wasn’t tonight amazing?” he asks, going in.

“It was fun” agrees Jongin.

He scours around the room. There is an open bottle of sake on the table. The suitcase is open on the floor, a little bit messy. The bed isn’t made.

“Drink?” Taemin offers.

“Uh, sure.”

He pours him a generous dose of alcohol and extends the glass over to Jongin, who takes it and is about to sip on it as Taemin puts the bottle directly on his lips and gulps a couple times from it. Jongin is just paralyzed, watching it. Taemin makes a sour face after that and settles down the bottle again. He turns around and opens a generous smile to Jongin. Taemin is wearing one of the cute blue patterned hotel robes and it’s loose enough to flash a bit of his chest. Jongin realizes he is staring so he looks away and drinks from his cup.

Taemin jumps on his bed. “Come sit down with me.”

Jongin takes a seat at the edge of the bed and Taemin scoots behind him, placing his hands on Jongin’s shoulders. He leans his face against Jongin’s wet hair. 

“You smell so good.”

“It’s the hotel shampoo” says Jongin, turning his head around to look at him.

Taemin smiles and starts massaging him lightly.

“Ah, that’s good” Jongin closes his eyes. “What have I done to deserve this?”

“I’m in a good mood” laughs Taemin. “Enjoy while it lasts.”

“I will” sighs Jongin.

Jongin relaxes under the touch. A couple minutes pass, while they remain in comfortable silence. 

Suddenly, Jongin feels lips on his nape. It’s just a light peck, but it sends electric currents through his entire body. Taemin kisses his skin again, this time longer. Jongin’s eyes fall shut. Taemin keeps kissing him, moving to the curve of his neck. He nibbles and licks, making Jongin shiver and gasp. Taemin’s hands move under his shirt, rubbing his abs and chest.

“Taemin…” he exhales weakly.

“Hm.”

Taemin bites his earlobe and Jongin’s cock is getting harder by the second now. He pulls Jongin’s chin and looks at him with lidded dark eyes.

“Tell me to stop.”

Jongin is breathless.

“Don’t stop.”

Taemin kisses him and Jongin opens his mouth, accepting him instantly. Their tongues are urgent against each other, and Jongin grabs Taemin by the hair, pulling him as close as possible. Taemin slips into Jongin’s lap, straddling him. Jongin’s glass falls from his hand and rolls away on the floor. They kiss and bite, not letting go for a second, grips hard on hair and waist. They are humming against their mouths, unable to control their noises. Jongin pulls Taemin’s robes down, revealing his shoulders and chest for him. He starts mouthing at the curve of the neck, holding Taemin by the waist tight, so tight, like he’s scared he’s going to escape.

Taemin moans as Jongin kisses down to his chest, licking and nibbling on the way to his nipple. Those noises are everything Jongin needs to get completely drunk on Taemin. His skin is soft and he smells heavenly. He just wants to keep kissing him all over.

But Taemin stops him to pull off his shirt and then he drops to his knees in front of Jongin. He fails to react while Taemin runs his hands from his thighs to his covered erection. Jongin bites a knuckle in surprise as Taemin takes his cock out into his hand and brings his mouth to it, kissing the head. The smooth lips against the sensitive area makes Jongin jolt. Taemin starts licking it, coating it in saliva, and Jongin clutches the sheets so tight he thinks he could rip them.

Jongin can’t hold back the moan when Taemin puts half of his cock inside his mouth, sucking lightly on it. 

“Holy fuck, Taemin” he mutters.

One of his hands fly to Taemin’s head, fingers interlacing with his black hair, as he bobs up and down on Jongin’s length. He barely notices when one of Taemin’s hand reaches for the suitcase next to him, searching for something. But when Jongin sees it, he realizes it’s lube. Taemin stops sucking his cock to coat his hand with the liquid, then takes his fingers behind himself. Jongin is puzzled, head way too high in the clouds to understand what’s happening. Taemin goes back to licking his cock and Jongin loses himself a little more. Jongin notices Taemin is humming and panting on his erection now and opens his eyes to realize he is fingering himself. That vision is instantly the most erotic thing he’s ever seen.

Taemin pulls back again and reaches for a condom inside his suitcase. He looks at Jongin, lips puffy and red, hair disheveled and pupils blown out.

“Do you want to?” he asks.

All Jongin can do is nod, because he feels hypnotised by what’s been happening so far. Taemin rips the wrapper with his teeth and rolls the condom deftly on Jongin’s cock, spreading some lube on it. 

Taemin straddles Jongin, who holds him by the hips. He realizes his hands are shaking. He can’t take his eyes off Taemin’s face, that particular face he has only seen once before and then in dreams. Taemin holds Jongin’s cock by the base and positions himself. Slowly, he starts sinking in. Jongin’s fingertips dig into Taemin’s skin and he lets out a gasp when he feels the head of his cock going in. Taemin shuts his eyes and bites his lower lip and Jongin gets worried.

“Are you okay?” 

Taemin nods and keeps sinking into him. Jongin’s eyes roll to the back of his head. Being inside Taemin is ridiculously good and he thinks there’s nothing that can beat that feeling. But Taemin makes a strange noise pulling him back to reality. He looks at Taemin’s frown and sees some tears are falling down his eyes. He cups his cheek.

“Taemin” he calls, worry in his voice.

“I’m fine” Taemin answers, choking out. “It’s just, you are not small.”

“We can stop.”

“No!” he snaps his eyes open, determined. 

Jongin pulls him for a sweet kiss. Taemin breathes into it, relaxing. 

“I got this” Taemin seems to mumble more to himself than to Jongin. “I can do it.”

“Okay” he answers, trying to soothe him with his touches.

“I want this so bad, Nini” whimpers Taemin, as he rests his forehead on Jongin’s.

“I want you too” he whispers. “Relax, baby.”

Taemin takes another deep shaky breath and starts moving down again. His fingernails dig into Jongin’s back, but he doesn’t care. Finally, Taemin bottoms out, and he exhales, resting his head on Jongin’s shoulder. They stand still for a while, just breathing, just feeling each other. Taemin’s body is running hot and Jongin is rubbing circles on his lower back, getting him to relax around and get used to him.

“Okay, I’m ready” he says, wiping his face and looking at Jongin.

Jongin gives him a kiss.

“Grab my waist” Taemin asks.

Jongin obeys. Taemin starts moving up and down slowly, trying to find the most comfortable position for him, holding onto Jongin for purchase. Jongin just watches him, helping out as best as he can with his hands. It’s all calm and collected until Taemin cries out a loud moan. He stops completely.

“What happened? Are you hurt?” Jongin whispers, worried.

“N-no, I’m-” Taemin resumes moving and moans again. “Oh, God.”

He keeps going, eyes shut and head thrown back. His breathing becomes laboured as Taemin’s speed picks up. His sounds become loud and lewd, pushing Jongin close to his edge. His knuckles are white from pressing Taemin’s waist so hard.

“Tell me when you’re close” Taemin pleads.

For some reason, that makes Jongin even more turned on. He can feel his heart beating a million miles an hour, pleasure spreading throughout his entire body like never before. He can tell his high is closer and closer.

“Taemin” he warns, voice strained.

Taemin puts a hand between them and starts to jerk himself off. His moans increase and Jongin can tell he’s close just by the rhythm of his breath.

“Jongin, ah-” he says before crying out loudly.

The sight and sounds of Taemin cuming tip Jongin over and they are riding their highs together until the end.

Taemin collapses in his arms. Jongin holds him close, depositing sweet kisses on his shoulder. They stay like that for a while, bodies cooling down. Taemin is the first to move, getting off Jongin’s cock. He kisses Jongin’s cheek.

“I have to clean myself up” he says, on his way to the bathroom. 

Jongin’s body feels cold without Taemin clinging to him. It’s like it instantly misses him. He looks down to take off the condom and realizes it has a fleck of blood on it. He ties it off, stands up and tucks himself inside his pants, going to the bathroom. Taemin is washing his hands. Jongin looks at him through the mirror after throwing the condom on the trash.

“Was it your first time doing this?” he asks.

Taemin raises his eyes to meet him and smiles. “What makes you think that?”

“Hm. Everything.”

Taemin keeps washing his hands, eyes downcast.

“Yes.”

Jongin shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

“It was my first too” he says.

Taemin gives him no reaction and dries his hands on the towel, then turns to him. “Do you wanna stay over?”

“Do you want me to stay over?”

“I don’t know, if you want to sleep on your own bed I’ll understand” Taemin walks out of the bathroom and Jongin follows him.

He doesn’t know what to say. Jongin wants to cuddle Taemin, but he just keeps running away from him. In more ways than physically. Taemin grabs a water bottle from the minibar and sits on the bed. 

“I’m so thirsty” he says offhandedly. 

Jongin just stands there, stunned and starting to feel a little hurt. He finally grabs his shirt and puts it on. 

“I think I’ll go.”

“Okay, Nini. Goodnight.”

The nickname just makes Jongin more confused. 

“Goodnight.”

Jongin turns and leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: taemin pov finally to explain this cluster fuck of situation he left them in XD


	4. Aftermath

When Jongin gets back to his room, he sits on the bed and sinks his head in his hands. Now everything just hurts and he doesn’t know why.

“Jongin? Is something wrong?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I don’t know.”

Kyungsoo puts his book aside and jumps beside him. “What happened? You look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m serious. Tell me.”

Jongin takes a deep breath. “It’s Taemin.”

“What about him?”

“We just had sex.”

“What?”

“Yeah” Jongin nods and looks at Kyungsoo’s shocked face. “It was not the first time.”

Kyungsoo pulls Jongin so they are sitting in front of each other. “Start from the beginning”

Jongin sighs. “Melon Awards. We kissed in the bathroom.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes just widen.

“Then after SMTOWN last year in Seoul” he continues.

“When you didn’t make it to the bar? Because you were ‘tired’?” asks Kyungsoo.

“Yes. We really were tired.”

“Damn, Jongin. And you failed to tell me all this time?”

“Are you really gonna nag at me right now? I feel like I’m gonna hurl out my heart in a minute.”

“Okay. Okay. So tonight…?”

“He called me into his room and he was acting a bit strange” Jongin recalls. “He offered me a drink and then just drank straight from the bottle, and it was already half empty when I got there.”

“Alright. Then?”

“Then he started giving me a massage and one thing led to the other.”

“But what went wrong that you are here complaining to me that you had sex?”

“I don’t know” exhales Jongin, frustrated. “As soon as it was over, he turned ice cold. Like nothing happened. Distant. It was weird.”

“What about the other times?”

“When we first kissed, we kinda pretended nothing happened. I thought it was just a one time thing, we were happy because of the awards and the champagne” says Jongin. “The second time, he acted like nothing happened. And that night we had vodka… Wait.”

Jongin pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Seeing a pattern there, buddy?” Kyungsoo says with sarcasm.

“He was drunk every time.”

“It sounds like he gets drunk and decides to kiss or fuck you, Jongin” says Kyungsoo. “That’s called a booty call.”

“I know what it’s called” retorts Jongin. 

“Sorry. But why are you so upset?” Kyungsoo asks. “Do you want more?”

“What? No, I-” Jongin starts. “I don’t fucking know.”

He hides his face behind his palms. Kyungsoo puts a hand on his shoulder.

“This fucking sucks” he sighs.

“No, come on, it’ll be fine” says Kyungsoo. “You are Kai. You can have anyone you want. Are you gonna keep moping because you had casual sex while some of us get none?”

Jongin knows he’s just saying that to cheer him up. “Whatever. We should sleep. There’s a plane to catch tomorrow.”

He gets tucked in his bed, in the dark, trying to erase the memories of the night from his mind. But it’s hard and it claws at his chest, leaving rips in his heart.

  
  


* * *

“I fucked up.”

That’s the first thing Taemin says to Minho as he opens the door to his and Jonghyun’s room. Taemin strides in without needing an invitation, wringing his hands together nervously.

“What happened?” asks Jonghyun, who is lying on his bed.

“The first thing he asked after we were done was if that was my first time doing it” says Taemin. “Fuck. I fucked up.”

“Calm down” Minho comes close to him. “Why do you think you fucked up? Did something happen?”

“It wasn’t bad. It was good” explains Taemin. “It hurt like hell though and he noticed.”

“That’s normal, Taeminnie” says Minho. “Did you prep?”

“I did or at least I think I did.”

“You know that practice makes perfect” says Jonghyun.

“Why would he ask that? The only probable reason is because it sucked for him” Taemin hides his face in his hands.

“Hey, hey, hey” Minho hugs him. “Calm down. I’m pretty sure he enjoyed it more than you. It’s hard not to.”

“That’s true” nods Jonghyun.

“What do you know? You only had sex with girls” says Taemin.

“Precisely” Jonghyun says.

Taemin lets out a frustrated sound.

“Why are you here? Did he leave?” asks Minho.

“Yes” Taemin whimpers. “I think I might have accidentally kicked him out…”

“How?” Minho frowns.

“I freaked out, okay? After he asked that he said it was also his first time and I got overwhelmed and closed off completely” Taemin says. “I’m the fucking worst.”

“Come here” says Jonghyun.

Taemin obeys and lets his hyung pull him into his arms. Jonghyun strokes his head.

“It’s gonna be okay, Taeminnie” he says. “You’ll figure it out. And your friendship with him is stronger than anything, nothing's gonna change that.”

Taemin takes a deep breath like he’s been underwater for a long time. Being with his hyungs always makes him calmer. He ends up falling asleep there.

The next day, Taemin opens his DMs with Jongin. He wants to say something about the night before, but doesn’t know what. He types ‘last night was great’ then deletes it, only to type ‘thanks for last night’, deleting it again. He huffs in frustration. Why does his feelings make him so scrambled? Why is he such a complicated mess?

It all started almost two years ago, when he didn’t know how many glasses of champagne were enough to lower his inhibitions. He was so happy that night when they first kissed. It was an accident, of course. Taemin never had the intention to kiss his best friend, even if he found him attractive. Because Jongin is objectively attractive, there is no denying. But anyway, the kiss happened. He kissed Jongin. And he spent months mortified by what he’d done. See, he still wasn’t completely secure in his sexuality back then. So he just decided to pretend like nothing happened and Jongin seemed to do the same. Both were probably ashamed of it.

Until SMTOWN in Seoul happened, almost one year later.

When something happens once, Taemin can blame it on the booze. But not only kissing Jongin twice, they escalate the situation by jerking each other off looking deep into each other’s eyes. That was no accident. That was not the vodka. Taemin wasn’t even that drunk and Jongin barely had a sip. That’s when Taemin knew something was up. They weren’t just friends anymore, as much as he hated to admit that. Friends don’t go around touching one another’s cocks. But he had no idea how to deal with that, or just didn’t want to, so he shut himself off completely. Until he couldn’t anymore.

The moment he realized he’d go insane if he didn’t do anything, he talked to his hyungs about it, looking for advice. They encouraged him to pursue it, if that’s what he really wanted. Taemin thought deep about it. And he decided he wanted to give it a shot, at least. So he came up with the Osaka plan, thinking that inviting Jongin to a private room, away from home, would be a nice idea. Minho gave him the 101 on anal sex and lended him some condoms and lube. Taemin was ready. Except he was freaking nervous. So he downed almost half a bottle of sake before even calling Jongin over. 

Mostly, he feels embarrassed. He is sure it had been bad, even if in the end they both enjoyed it. He had never sucked a dick or fucked anyone before that night, he didn’t know what he was doing. He never prepped himself before and by the pain he felt, he’s sure he did something wrong. And Jongin was there witnessing him be a clusterfuck. 

Maybe he is overreacting. He knows sometimes he does that. Eventually, it’s Jongin that texts him like nothing happened, just telling him random stuff from his schedules and hoping they can meet soon. Taemin hopes that too. He misses him. He wants nothing more than to sit beside him, catch up, talk nonsense and have some strawberry smoothies. 

When they finally manage to do that, it’s like Osaka never happened. A major part of Taemin is relieved about it. But there is a tiny bit of him that’s sad. That wants to address it. That wants Jongin to want him, so they can talk about it. But he’d rather keep their friendship as is than mess it up, so Taemin takes what he’s given and rolls with it until he can.

And he manages for months. It’s easy working all the time and not thinking about Osaka. It’s easy to ignore that tiny part of him that swoons remembering being with Jongin so intimately, in a way they had only been with each other. The bigger parts of him, that see Jongin as a best friend, constantly overshadow the smaller parts, the ones filled with dreams and desires. 

But in the dead of night, sometimes, when everyone else is asleep, Taemin fantasizes about what ifs. What if he just tried? What if he talked to Jongin about it? What if he told him that he thinks of him? What if Jongin thinks the same things? Those questions pollute Taemin’s mind until it’s all screams that won’t calm down.

He gets up in the middle of the night to make some tea. That’s what he does when he has insomnia. He puts water in the electric kettle and waits.

“What are you doing up at this time?” it’s Jonghyun, his eyes barely open.

“Can’t sleep” says Taemin. “You?”

“I woke up and saw a light on” he stands beside Taemin. “Fix me a cup?”

Taemin nods.

“What’s keeping you up?” he asks, sitting on the counter.

“Just… stuff.”

“Stuff, huh?” Jonghyun smirks. “I know what you mean.”

Taemin rolls his eyes. “I’m ridiculous, I know.”

“You are not ridiculous at all” he pats Taemin’s head. “You are human. A tiny, adorable human. And I hate seeing you like this.”

Taemin sighs. “What can I do, hyung? There is a part of me that wants him.”

“Then why not go for it?”

Taemin gets two cups and puts tea bags inside them. 

“I’m scared.”

He pours hot water on the cups.

“Taeminnie” starts Jonghyun. “Life's so short. Our time here is so precious. Don’t waste it by being scared. You're so brave already.”

Taemin sniffles.

“Come here” says Jonghyun.

Taemin complies and Jonghyun hugs him tight. 

“I promise you’ll be alright. You have us. Forever.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

After that conversation, Taemin decides to talk to Jongin. He just needs to gather the courage to do it. It takes a while of processing his feelings to reach the point where he sees himself doing it. So he texts Jongin and they decide to meet up for coffee at SM.

Taemin’s sitting there ten minutes before the time they set to meet. His leg is bobbing up and down and he’s wringing his hands under the table. He’s gonna tell him. He’s ready. In his mind, he keeps running the words he prepared like a speech. Jongin, I like you. Jongin, let’s talk about Osaka. Jongin, I need to tell you something. Jongin, I wanna date you. Jongin, I-

“Taemin! There you are!” it’s Jongin, beaming. His face just lights up completely.

Taemin can’t hold back a smile. He gets up to hug him. Jongin smells so good and is so strong and warm like always. They sit down.

“How have you been? It’s been a while since we saw each other” he says.

“I’m great. Busy” says Taemin. “How are you?”

“Amazing. I’m actually glad that you texted me, because I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

“Oh. What is it?” asks Taemin.

Jongin leans in. “But you can’t tell anyone. It’s kind of a secret.”

“Okay” Taemin nods.

“Me and Soojung started seeing each other” Jongin whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally we have insight into taemin's head! and omg, he's struggling.
> 
> but poor taemin got some terrible news :( how's he gonna handle now? jongin is super happy skahsakjlsaks 
> 
> let's see how this turns out


	5. War of Hearts

“Me and Soojung started seeing each other” Jongin whispers.

Taemin’s expression freezes on his face. Jongin is beaming, looking ridiculously happy.

“Oh, wow” Taemin finally says. “You must be so happy. She’s so nice.”

“I mean, you know her, so yeah” Jongin answers. “It’s recent, but we’re happy.”

“That’s amazing, I-”

“Good afternoon, are you ready to order?” says the waitress.

“Not yet, thanks” says Taemin.

“I’ll have a cappuccino” says Jongin. “Thanks.”

The waitress walks away.

“Anyway, you were saying?” asks Jongin.

“I actually need to use the restroom” Taemin says with the biggest smile he can muster. “I’ll be right back.”

Taemin’s pace progressively picks up until he’s running into a stall. He feels hot tears streaming down his face, blinding his vision. He sobs into his hand, trying not to make any noise. His mind is completely empty. The only thing he feels is a tear opening his heart, splitting it in half. He’s shaking all over, so he holds himself, trying to calm his body. After a couple minutes, he feels less terrible. He realizes he has to come out and face Jongin again and he can’t do it looking like he cried. Taemin takes a bunch of tissues and wipes his tears. Then he splashes some cold water on his face, trying to mask the redness around his eyes.

He takes deep breaths, looking at himself in the mirror. He just needs to make up an excuse and leave. He’ll say his manager called and needs to talk to him urgently. Taemin fixes his bangs and leaves the restroom determined.

When he gets there, another surprise.

“Look who I bumped into!” says Jongin. Soojung is sitting beside him.

“Hi Taeminnie!” she waves.

Taemin waves back, putting on a smile. “Sorry, guys, I can’t stay.”

He picks up his bag.

“What happened?” asked Jongin.

“My manager needs to talk to me, it’s urgent. But enjoy each other! Yay!” he laughs. “It was so good to see you. We can talk later yeah? Bye!”

Taemin leaves in a flash.

In the car back to the dorm, he just cries silently, hoping the driver doesn’t notice.

“What happened?” asks Minho as soon as he walks through the door.

He stops watching TV and moves in front of Taemin.

“Jongin is dating Krystal.”

“What?” shouts Jonghyun.

“Yes” Taemin says and he starts crying again.

Minho sits him on the couch. 

“I was going to tell him everything” he goes on. “But then I get there and that happens. And then she somehow showed up while I was in the restroom!”

Tears are just rolling freely on his face. Jonghyun got up and is making some tea, while Minho brings him some tissues. 

“What’s happening here?” Jinki shows up.

“Jongin is dating Krystal” says Jonghyun.

“Oh, shit” says Jinki as he goes to sit beside Taemin. “Taeminnie, don’t cry. It’s gonna be fine.”

“I know” Taemin hiccups. “But I think I underestimated how much I liked him.”

Jonghyun puts a cup of hot tea in Taemin’s hands and sits on his other side, while Minho is sitting on the floor in front of him.

“I had to see him with someone else to realize it” says Taemin.

“Oh, honey” Jinki rubs his back.

Taemin takes a couple sips from his tea.

“I’m so fucking stupid” he says. “Why did I think he’d want to be with me, when he can be with a woman?”

“Taemin, don’t say that” interjects Minho. “That’s nonsense.”

“You’re prettier than any girl” says Jonghyun. “You know it’s true.”

Taemin shakes his head.

“It’s the easy choice. It’s someone he can be in public with. He’ll never be able to do that with me.”

“That shouldn’t matter. If someone likes you, they’ll choose you no matter what” says Jonghyun.

“Then it’s clear he doesn’t like me” Taemin wipes his eyes.

“Taemin, stop it” says Minho, trying to be the voice of reason. “It’s just bad timing. These things happen, unfortunately. You can’t know how he would respond because you never told him the truth.”

“And now I never will.”

“Pff” goes Jonghyun. “You think they’ll stay together forever? Don’t be silly, Taeminnie. That’s their first relationship. They are both busy idols. It’s not easy to make it work. I mean, not that I’m cursing them or something.”

“It sounds like you are” says Jinki.

“No one is cursing anyone” interrupts Minho. “This is about our Taemin.”

Taemin starts crying again. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh, it’s okay” Jonghyun pulls him into a hug. “We’ll get takeout from that place you like. We can get a cake or something. Fuck dieting for today, okay?”

Taemin nods.

“Then it’s settled. Let’s feast.”

It’s not an easy couple of months for Taemin. Soon the news breaks and everyone knows about ‘Kaistal’. He takes some time getting over it and some more time getting used to it. At least he is always working, always with his hyungs, who are always taking good care of him. And when he’s not working, Taemin is out drinking with friends - or sometimes with strangers. Turns out there are plenty of people who would line up for a chance to hook up with him.

The first months of 2017 are packed with SHINee World tour dates. He's exhausted most of the time, and so are his hyungs, but when he musters the energy, he can always get someone to warm his bed and his body.

Jongin and Krystal continue dating. And eventually Taemin’s feelings about it go numb. He manages to push his infatuation for his friend so deep down, that it’s rotting in a basement without seeing the light for months. Hooking up and having fun with other people certainly helps.

Their friendship remains somewhat intact, even with their busy schedules. And of course when Jongin has free time, he spends it with his girlfriend.

It’s been a while since they’ve seen each other, when they bump into each other at SM. Taemin has been practicing daily for his comeback and the release of his second album.

“Hey” says Jongin, coming into the room while everyone is taking a break. He’s wearing a cap and a mask pulled down to his chin.

“Hi” Taemin smiles surprised and goes hug him. “What are you doing here?”

“I asked around where you were” he says. “I know you’re preparing a comeback.”

“Yeah, it's been fun" he says, looking around the room where the dancers drink water and chat.

“Am I interrupting?” Jongin asks.

“No, no, we are resting a bit now.”

“Do you wanna grab a coffee in the break room maybe?” asks Jongin tentatively.

“Hm. Sure” Taemin turns around. “I’ll be right back, girls.”

They head to the closest break room, that’s fortunately empty. Jongin insists on paying for their coffees. 

“I’m glad the machine didn’t eat my money this time” he says.

Taemin laughs. “They never fix this crappy thing.”

“Yeah” Jongin sits beside him on the sofa, close enough so their knees are touching.

“So, how have you been?” asks Taemin, trying to ignore the point of contact of their bodies.

“I’m good” Jongin answers. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I think we haven’t” considers Taemin.

“I miss you” he says.

Taemin giggles and pats Jongin’s knee. “I miss you too.”

Jongin gives a shy smile. “It just seems like we haven’t talked in a long time.”

“We texted” says Taemin.

“It’s not the same” Jongin leans closer.

“It’s not” he admits.

Jongin twirls the hair on the back of Taemin’s head. The proximity and the touch are so familiar, but they scared Taemin for some reason. He’s scared of what it can remind him. Osaka. His dorm after SMTOWN. The Four Seasons. He pushes these thoughts away and grabs Jongin’s hand, holding it tight.

“Well, you have me here now for a couple minutes. Make them count.”

Jongin is staring at him with his dark almond eyes. They look like they are hiding something. Taemin stares back, refusing to be the one who backs away. So Jongin does and sips his coffee. Taemin feels like he won something, just doesn’t know what.

They talk about superfluous things until Taemin has to go back to practice. The impression that’s left of the encounter is confusion.

  
  


* * *

He loves her. He loves her not.

He loves her?

Jongin can feel and taste her under him, but he’s not really there. Yet again, his mind wonders far away. He should be paying attention when he fucks his girlfriend, because they already do it so little, because there is no time to see each other. Still, he’s drifting. He closes his eyes, feeling his hands on hips as he squeezes them tight. Suddenly, he’s back in Osaka, and this is no longer his girlfriend. 

He stops completely. He can’t do this anymore.

“Jongin? What’s wrong?”

He gets off the bed and takes off the condom, throwing it in the trash.

“I’m not feeling well. I think I’m running a fever or something” he says.

She gets up and feels his neck. “You are just hot from sex, babe.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick” Jongin says. 

He takes his boxers and goes to the bathroom, locking the door. He dresses himself and splashes some water at his face. He’s panting hard and his chest is hurting. Jongin feels lightheaded and ends up on the floor, resting his head over the toilet.

A knock on the door.

“Babe. Let me in.”

“I’m sick, Soojung.”

He can hear her snort and walk away.

Jongin loses track of time. 

He wakes up in the morning, completely sore. He tries stretching but his neck and muscles are killing him. He gets out of the bathroom and Krystal is nowhere to be seen. She left. He finds a strong muscle relaxer and takes it, then lays on his bed, pulling the covers close. He stares at cracks on the curtains that let the light in, but he doesn’t wanna see this day. They were supposed to hang out and do couple stuff, yet he honestly doesn’t feel bad. He just wants to be alone. He doesn’t wanna think about anything.

Specially Taemin.

And Osaka.

And kissing his soft lips.

And touching his waist as he moved on top of him.

“Fucking hell” Jongin mutters, feeling his cock harden. “Stop it.”

He just ignores it and tries to shut up his brain. Soon, lulled by the meds and the terrible night he had, Jongin falls asleep.

He dreams of Taemin. Because not even in his dreams he can escape him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may have noticed that key is not present in the dorm scene, that's because i read that he moved out. i don't know exactly when he did but i figured he might have already at the time the scene takes place. if he didn't, sorry key :( i'm sure you also gave taeminnie a shoulder to cry on! hahahahaha
> 
> also, i just wanna say i don't know much about krystal (more like nothing at all) so her brief appearances are based on nothing "canon" because i haven't seen her on anything besides pictures.
> 
> well nini is clearly in trouble. what happens next?  
> see you guys next week! <3


	6. Break up Make up

Taemin is about to go to bed. He just dried his hair and is making some tea, when his phone starts ringing. It’s an unknown number. He thinks it’s strange, that perhaps it’s sasaengs and that he shouldn’t pick up. But a feeling in his gut tells him to do it. So he does.

“Hello?”

“Taeminnie” says the person on the other end of the line. “It’s me, your Nini.”

Jongin is obviously drunk. His speech is slurred.

“Where are you?”

“I’m at the hotel room” Jongin sighs. “Will you come over? I wanna see you.”

Taemin’s blood runs cold.

“Jongin, what are you doing there? What happened?”

“Come over and I’ll tell you everything” Jongin says. “Please.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Why don’t you wanna see me? We’re best friends.”

Taemin sighs, deciding he doesn’t have the patience to argue. “Which hotel and what room?”

“Four Seasons. Room 1503.”

“I’ll be right there.”

He can’t believe him. What the fuck is Jongin up to? He never drinks. Taemin forgets his tea and goes to change in his room.

“What’s up?” Jonghyun asks.

“Jongin” Taemin says, exasperated. “He’s drunk and at the Four Seasons.”

“Nini is drunk?” asks Jonghyun. “That’s new.”

“I have a bad feeling about this. No one can see him like this. It’d be a scandal.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” offers Jonghyun.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just stay with him until he sobers up.”

Taemin is ready in a couple minutes and he takes a cab to the hotel, hiding behind a facemask and a bucket hat. The receptionist lets him up and he’s soon knocking on Jongin’s door.

When he opens, Taemin can see he looks disgruntled.

“Taeminnie!” he celebrates. “You came!”

“Shut the door” Taemin says, going in and dropping his things on a table.

He promptly walks to the minibar and grabs a water bottle. When he turns around, he sees Jongin dragging his feet towards him, dumb smile on his face.

“Taeminnieeeeeee!”

“How much did you have to drink?”

“I’m not that drunk” Jongin pouts. “Just some vodka. Like you taught me.”

“Drink this” he pushes the water bottle into Jongin’s hands.

“Okie dokie” Jongin obeys, opening the bottle and downing it’s contents in a couple gulps.

Taemin just watches the scene.

“What else?” Jongin asks.

“Why the fuck are you here?”

“Don’t you remember?” Jongin spreads his arms. “Our first kiss.”

He smiles. Taemin doesn’t know how to react.

“Yeah I remember. So you decided to get drunk because…?”

“I was bored” says Jongin, circling the bed and dropping down on the floor, leaning against it.

“Bored? Jongin. What if someone sees you?”

“No one saw me. I’m not stupid.”

“You look stupid right now” says Taemin, crossing his arms.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Say it.”

“Come closer” Jongin says.

Taemin rolls his eyes and kneels beside him.

“What?”

“Me and Soojung broke up” he whispers, like it’s a state secret. “Probably gonna hit the internet soon.”

Taemin gapes at him. “Why?”

Jongin shrugs, looking into the distance. “I didn’t want it anymore.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that” he laughs. “She didn’t want it either. She got sick of me and my...”

He stops in the middle of the sentence and just glazes over.

“Jongin” Taemin snaps his fingers.

“What?”

“She got sick of your what?”

“I don’t wanna talk about her” he waves his hand around. “You’re here now.”

Jongin taps Taemin’s thigh.

“My Taeminnie. My favorite person in the world.”

Taemin actually feels bad for him, so he picks his hand and gives it a kiss. Jongin giggles at that.

“You made me worry.”

“You don’t need to worry about me, baby” Jongin says. “I’m a big guy.”

“A big dumb guy.”

Jongin cackles. “Shut up!”

“No, you shut up.”

“No, you shut up!”

“You are absolutely ridiculous.”

Jongin is looking straight at him. Then he rolls his head back and starts laughing, and that makes Taemin laugh along. Jongin suddenly pulls Taemin by the waist into his lap.

“What are you doing?”

Jongin squeezes him tight. “I miss you.”

“Okay.”

They stay silent for a while, Jongin with his eyes closed breathing in Taemin, who just hopes he’ll start sobering up a bit so they can leave. Being this close to him alone in a hotel room isn’t doing wonders for Taemin’s mental strategy of forgetting he ever had feelings for his friend.

Eventually, Jongin pulls back and stares at him with lidded eyes. 

“Taemin” his voice is hoarse and tinged with something dangerous that Taemin doesn’t want to hear.

“You know what you need? Coffee!” says Taemin, getting up from his lap. “Maybe there is some here in this minibar.”

Taemin looks through the generous selection and finds a can of iced americano. He hands it to Jongin.

“Take it.”

Jongin obeys quietly. He’s already less rowdy. Taemin sits beside him, legs crossed.

“Let me have a sip.”

The silence resumes.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Taemin tries again. 

Jongin just shrugs.

“Are you okay, Nini? You know you can tell me anything.”

Jongin puts his hand on Taemin’s thigh. More physical contact, exactly what he doesn’t need. Why is Jongin suddenly so insistent on it? Maybe he’s needy. Taemin ignores the touch as much as he can, while Jongin finishes his iced coffee. He puts the can aside and turns to Taemin.

“I’m not okay.”

Taemin faces him and takes his hand. “What do you need?”

“You.”

“What?” Taemin frowns. 

Jongin leans and kisses his cheek. Taemin’s eyes fall shut with the softness of Jongin’s mouth on his skin. His heart starts hammering in his chest. Jongin keeps kissing him towards his earlobe, then down his neck. Jongin’s hand slides around Taemin’s neck.

“Please” he begs.

“Fuck, Jongin” Taemin mutters, his voice already faltering. “What are you doing?”

“Tell me I should stop.”

Taemin grabs Jongin’s collar and pushes him away. He looks into Jongin’s eyes. They are desperate and shining with tears.

“Are you sober?” he asks.

“Unfortunately” Jongin chokes out.

Taemin sighs. “Don’t get used to this.”

He pulls him by the collar, joining their lips. Jongin’s first reaction is to sigh into the kiss, like he’s so relieved Taemin accepted him. Then he grabs Taemin by the waist and pulls him into his lap again. Jongin’s mouth tastes like coffee, but that doesn’t bother Taemin. He bites Jongin’s lip.

“Ah-” Jongin gasps.

Taemin keeps up the intensity of the kiss. If he’s gonna hook up with Jongin again, he better make it count, because he doesn’t expect to have any repeats after the night is over. Jongin seems to be on the same wavelength, because suddenly he tugs at Taemin’s hair, pulling him back firmly, as he kisses and nibbles down his neck.

“Don’t leave marks” Taemin protests, out of breath.

Jongin joins their lips again, shutting up Taemin’s complaints.

His touch is so different from the first times. It’s rough and hungry, and it’s easy for Taemin to get lost under that dominance. Even if it’s something that he isn’t used to, because usually he is the one leading. 

Jongin slides his hands under Taemin’s shirt, fingers pressing against his flesh hard, kneading with desire. It almost hurts, but it’s good, and Taemin is getting carried away easily. Jongin pushes Taemin against the ground and lays on top of him, rolling his hips, biting his neck and pulling moans out of Taemin.

Suddenly, Jongin stops and gets on his knees, reaching for the bedside table near their heads.

“What are you doing?” asks a breathless Taemin.

Jongin shows a package of condoms and a bottle of lube.

“I see. So you came prepared” Taemin raises his eyebrow. 

“You don’t want to?” Jongin asks, staring into Taemin’s eyes.

At least he can tell that Jongin is not crazy drunk anymore, even if he’s a bit different than his usual sober self.

“Up” Taemin says.

They get up and Taemin starts undressing while Jongin watches, mesmerized. Taemin is naked when he approaches Jongin and grabs the hem of his shirt, pulling it up. They keep eye contact as Taemin unbuttons Jongin’s jeans and slides it down along with his underwear. His skin is so warm, much warmer than any skin he’s ever touched. And the hue is something out of a painting, like Jongin is pure art. Taemin gives him a peck on the lips and takes the bottle of lube from his hand. He opens it

“Let me try. I wanna make you feel good” says Jongin.

“It’s fine. I have practice.”

Jongin looks disappointed by that, but Taemin tries not to care. He coats the fingers of his right hand.

“Sit” he asks.

Jongin sits on the bed, just like Osaka. Taemin kneels between his legs and fists his cock, enveloping the head with his lips. Jongin grunts. Taemin slides two fingers at once to start prepping himself while he sucks Jongin off. Taemin can feel him trembling, can hear the small sounds of pleasure, while Jongin caresses the top of his head tenderly. He’s taking his time with it, not pushing Jongin too far.

When he’s ready he stops and slides a condom on Jongin’s cock, coating it with plenty of lube.

“Come” he says, lying on the bed.

Taemin puts a pillow under his hips and Jongin gets in between his legs. His face is so serious, almost terrified.

“Are you okay?” 

Jongin nods. “It’s just… You’re so beautiful.”

Taemin scours his face, then pulls him to a kiss. He wraps his legs around Jongin’s waist and holds the base of his cock, guiding him.

They gasp in unison when Jongin starts sinking into him.

“Fuck” Jongin chokes out. “You feel so good.”

Taemin just moans in response.

Jongin bottoms out and holds Taemin tight, kissing his collarbone. He starts moving his hips slowly and Taemin digs his nails in his back. Jongin cups Taemin’s face and seals their lips, nibbling and licking into his mouth with intensity. He starts picking up speed as Taemin tries to adjust his body under him, in search of the best position. 

“Wait” Taemin says, out of breath.

Jongin stops and glances at him, eyes blown out with lust.

“Slide one arm under my hips.”

He does as he’s asked. “Like this?”

Taemin nods. Jongin resumes his movements tentatively. Taemin moans as he feels the characteristic jolt of pleasure of something rubbing against his spot.

“Yeah, like that” he sighs, shutting his eyes. “Don’t stop.”

So Jongin picks up speed quick, pulling progressively louder moans from Taemin. The pleasure is so strong and Taemin is so deep into it, that he thinks he might come untouched. His hands are shaking, so he grips Jongin’s hair for purchase. 

“Jongin” he chokes out. “I’m gonna cum.”

With that, Jongin hammers into him harder, biting down the curve of his neck. Taemin cries out when he reaches his peak. It feels like a long time, and Jongin keeps fucking him through it, until his noises die down. When it’s over, Jongin collapses on top of him, unbothered by the cum that was spread on Taemin’s chest and belly.

Their breath is labored. Taemin feels like he might black out under Jongin’s weight. He’s ridiculously blissed out. It feels so good. It was better than most of the sex he’s had. It’s unusual for him to orgasm untouched like that. But somehow all the pieces fell into the right place with Jongin tonight. 

“Nini” he whispers.

“Hm.”

“We need to clean up.”

Jongin rolls off him lazily. Taemin gets off the bed and waddles to the bathroom. He washes his hands thoroughly, wipes the cum off his skin and wets a towel with warm water, cleaning himself up. As he’s finished, Jongin shows up at the door.

“Hey” he says.

“Hey” Taemin smiles.

Jongin closes the distance and cups Taemin’s face, depositing a long and deep kiss on his lips.

“Nini, clean yourself” he says, handing him the towel.

He does as he’s told and Taemin leaves the bathroom. He takes a water bottle from the minibar, a pack of smokes from his bag and the ashtray, then sits against the headboard of the bed, pulling the sheets to his waist. He lights up a cigarette. Soon, Jongin joins him, putting an arm around his shoulders. He kisses Taemin’s ear, making him giggle. Jongin raises his fingers, asking for the cigarette. Taemin passes it to him.

“Ready to go home?” asks Taemin.

“No” says Jongin, exhaling grey smoke up. He gives the cigarette back to him.

“Why not?”

“Why would you wanna leave? It’s the middle of the night.”

Taemin takes pause.

“Because.”

Jongin laughs. Taemin doesn’t wanna tell him that he doesn’t wanna sleep next to him, because somehow that would make things worse in the morning. 

“Come on, Taemin” he says, lips against his ear. “Don’t run away.”

“I just don’t want you getting the wrong idea.”

“About?”

“Us.”

“What about us?”

Taemin puts out the cigarette.

“This is a one time thing.”

Jongin’s neutral expression doesn’t change. “I know that.”

“Perfect.”

Taemin is about to get up but Jongin holds him by the arm, pulling him back. He kisses Taemin’s nape, sending shivers down his spine.

“The night’s not over” he says. “Stay.”

Jongin keeps kissing Taemin’s back, fingers threading over his skin gently. Taemin sighs, feeling electric currents spread over his body. Jongin makes him lie back and takes his face between his hands. They stare into each other’s eyes for a while before Jongin captures Taemin’s lips again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayay these two... they love fooling themselves :)  
> 
> 
> let's see what happens for taem and nini the morning after, shall we? ♥


	7. Just sex

Jongin and Taemin wake up past noon, naked and tangled up, after fucking all night long. It’s the best sex Jongin has ever had. He bottoms and sucks dick for the first time and is surprised by how much he enjoys it. If he had any doubts about his bisexuality, they evaporate completely. And if Taemin wanted that to be the last time, at least Jongin made it count.

But it’s not what Jongin wants. He feels like he’d been driving himself insane over the past months missing Taemin. So much that it cost him his relationship. But there was nothing he can do now. He and Krystal had broken up and it hadn’t taken a week for Jongin to fall apart and call Taemin. And he probably just accepted Jongin because he was feeling sorry for him.

It’s hard saying goodbye. He doesn’t wanna leave their bubble. Jongin can’t resist pulling Taemin for one last kiss at the door before he has to go back to the dorms. But he has to just accept what Taemin wants. And Taemin made it clear every time that he just wants a hookup, nothing more. His heart is heavy, but he tries to be thankful for the little time they have.

Not so long after their night at the hotel, Jongin is invited to spend the night with Taemin at Gapyeong for the shoot of a Vlive show that’s part of his comeback. He wasn’t expecting to see him so soon, but he realizes there will be cameras around them most of the time, so the context is different. He’d be Kai and not Jongin. Kai has no reason to be nervous, but Jongin feels anxious about seeing Taemin. He knows it’s gonna be fine, because after all the other times everything went back to normal. There’s no reason to be different now. They just pretend they never kissed or fucked. They got good at that, Jongin thinks bitterly. But still, the idea of being around Taemin has his stomach doing flips. Maybe it’s not because he’s just nervous to see him. Maybe it’s because of how much he’s looking forward to spending time with him.

It’s already dark when he gets there. Taemin is lively and happy, and it kills all his nervousness the second he lays eyes on him. They eat and play around in the pool and almost start a fire, and at the end of the day, when the cameras are finally shut off, they are tired and beat.

Jongin is in the bathroom, only a towel around his hips after a shower, rubbing some cream on his face before bed.

Someone knocks.

“Come in.”

It’s Taemin. Jongin opens a smile.

“Hey.”

“Hi” Taemin gets in and closes the door behind him, resting against it. “I just wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me? For what?”

“For coming.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Jongin says sincerely. “I’m glad you invited me. I had a lot of fun.”

“Me too.”

Silence. Taemin’s eyes travel over Jongin’s body, and back to his face. Jongin raises his eyebrow. Something passes between them. A current, electricity. It’s undeniable and they both know it.

“Okay. I’m gonna go lay down” says Taemin. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

He leaves. And Jongin is left wondering what all of that meant.

Soon after, they both get invited to be in an episode of Happy Together. Jongin is getting ready in his dressing room when Taemin shows up to greet him.

“Hey, Nini” Taemin comes smiling in his direction. He’s already dressed in the program’s cute outfit. 

Jongin is getting his makeup done and can’t turn around to look at him. “Hey. How are you?”

“Good. Tired” he giggles.

“Comeback kicking your ass?”

“You have no idea” Taemin rolls his eyes and sips from his coffee. “Management is all over me. I can’t catch a break.”

“Aw. We should do something when you can” Jongin offers. “Like… A spa. I don’t know. Get massages.”

They laugh at his suggestion.

“That actually sounds amazing.”

They shoot the program without hitches. They even talk about their past in detail and how they met. Jongin gets nostalgic. After a couple hours, they are done and Jongin goes back to his dressing room to change out of his clothes. He takes off the tie, the shirt and is about to open his pants when someone walks in.

“Oh. Sorry.”

It’s Taemin.

“Come in,” says Jongin. “Lock the door, I totally forgot.”

“Sorry” he repeats and does as he’s told. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

Jongin takes a couple steps towards him. Taemin doesn’t take his eyes off his face, like he’s trying too hard not to look at Jongin’s naked torso. He pulls Taemin into a hug, resting his face on the top of his head. Taemin tentatively puts his hands around Jongin’s waist.

“Like this?”

Taemin nods.

Silence befalls them.

They don’t move an inch.

It’s like they’re frozen in time. 

Until Jongin feels Taemin’s fingers run lightly over his naked skin. It gives him goosebumps. He pulls back to look at him. Jongin brushes Taemin’s bangs off his face and cups his cheek. Taemin turns to kiss his hand, closing his eyes. He deposits sweet slow pecks, until he mouths at Jongin’s index and middle fingers, biting and sucking on them. 

Jongin can’t help a sigh. Blood rushes to his groin in a second.

Taemin turns back to him, with a serious expression.

“Should I stop?”

“Don’t stop” he answers and grabs Taemin by the back of the neck, pulling him for a kiss.

It’s urgent and intense, their tongues meeting immediately. Taemin drags his nails against his back and he starts pushing him towards the couch. Jongin falls on it and Taemin straddles him, opening up his zipper.

“It’s just sex” he says.

“It’s just sex” Jongin echos, working on Taemin’ belt.

Soon enough their cocks are out and in each other’s hands. They try to keep their noises down as they ride their pleasure together, kissing and nibbling and touching. Taemin covers his mouth with his hand when he cums all over Jongin’s fingers. He cums right after, spilling on his own belly. 

They are panting, resting foreheads together, as they come down from their highs. Taemin kisses him before getting off and closing his pants.

“Let me get you some tissues” he says, going to the makeup counter.

He cleans his own hand and then takes a bunch to Jongin, who’s tucking his cock back in his underwear. Taemin helps him clean up and throws it all in the garbage.

“I should go.”

Jongin gets up and takes Taemin’s face in his hands, pulling him for a langid kiss.

“Okay” he lets him go. “See you?”

“Yeah. I’ll call” says Taemin, unlocking the door with a smile. “Don’t get used to this.”

And he leaves. Jongin closes the door and wants to laugh. 

Weeks later, he can’t take his eyes off the screen as he watches Taemin’s comeback. The way he moves is insane. Jongin goes crazy thinking he had _that_ person on his bed and all over him on multiple occasions now. How lucky can he be? Is he the only one? Probably not. Taemin has probably been with multiple people. Because who wouldn’t want to be with Taemin? He is clearly more experienced now than the time in Osaka. A pang of jealousy stabs Jongin in the gut. But then he remembers he dated Krystal for more than a year and that it isn’t fair to expect Taemin to be alone.

SM sets up a new Instagram account and Jongin and Taemin are somehow chosen to be a part of its first live. Probably because they are poster boys and known for their friendship. If only people knew what goes behind closed doors, in the dark, when the cameras are off. The live is awkward, they have to read from a script, and they can’t keep a straight face. But what comes off of it is Taemin texting him a couple days later inviting him to get a drink.

Taemin asks Jongin to meet him at the Four Seasons. Same room he rented when he spiraled into a drunken mess and decided calling Taemin and asking for sex was a good idea. Well, it turned out to be an excellent idea, all things considered.

“I wanted to have a drink in privacy,” explains Taemin, lighting up a cigarette. “I’ve been promoting non stop, there’s always a camera in my face lately.”

“Of course” Jongin agrees.

“And my manager said Dispatch has been hounding me, so I’d rather not get drunk in public” he laughs.

Jongin doesn’t mind at all. He’s glad to be alone with Taemin.

“I’m having Grey Goose. What do you want?” Taemin asks, looking through the minibar. 

“Same.”

He takes two small bottles and hands one to Jongin. They clink them before having a sip. Taemin gulps half of his down. Jongin can’t hold his liquor that well, so he paces himself. And he doesn’t really want to get drunk. He wants to be sober for whatever happens.

Taemin lies on the bed, filling his lungs with smoke, eyes closed.

“I’m tired.”

Jongin gets beside him, taking the cigarette from his hand. “Me too.”

They stay like that for a while, drinking and smoking in silence, in the barely lit room. A calm washes over Jongin, something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Eventually, Taemin turns on his side, resting his head on his hand, glancing over at Jongin.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Taemin gives him a small smile. Then, he leans in and kisses him.

It’s a soft kiss. Jongin runs his finger through Taemin’s hair gently, as their lips brush against each other. Taemin never kissed him like that, so sweet and slow, taking his time. Something blossoms in Jongin’s chest, in his heart, and it spreads all over his body. Taemin huddles closer to him, their bodies warm and molding together. Jongin’s hand slides his hand down to the small of Taemin’s back. 

Little by little, they nibble and lick, deepening the kiss until there is a fire in Jongin’s stomach. He rolls on top of Taemin, settling between his legs, pressing their hips together. Taemin gasps.

“It’s just-”

“Sex” Jongin finishes Taemin’s sentence.

Taemin nods and pulls him down for another kiss.

It’s just sex.

Except it isn’t.

Not for Jongin. But if that’s all Taemin has to offer, he’ll take the scraps if he has to.

  
  


* * *

It’s just sex.

That’s what he’s been telling himself for the past five months.

Every time, Taemin believed it was the last. Every time, he promised himself it would be the last. And every time, he failed. It’s hard staying away from Jongin, harder than he expected when he comforted him after his break up with Krystal. He thought Jongin just needed a rebound or something, anything to move on from being heartbroken. But it wasn’t that simple.

Taemin tries to justify his actions through logic. He tells himself it’s the sex. The mindblowing, earth-shattering sex, that keeps getting better and better somehow. It’s like the more they do it, the better they get at it. By now they are so familiar with each other’s bodies that they don’t have to talk. It’s like they developed a sort of telepathy.

But it’s just sex, he repeats to himself. It’s not his feelings that keep him coming back to Jongin’s bed. Those feelings are buried away, in a locked basement, key thrown away. 

That’s what Taemin convinces himself of after every encounter. 

The electric kettle turns itself off, water ready for his tea.

Taemin fixes himself a cup. He wanders around his new apartment, filled with moving boxes. He stops by the window, taking a look at Seoul.

He sighs.

How long can he keep lying to himself?

It’s was never just sex. At least not for him. Maybe for Jongin it is, but he can’t know unless he asks him. He should ask. Because it keeps getting harder and harder to deny there’s something happening between them, something more than friendship, something more than just physical satisfaction. It’s the way Jongin looks at him that clearly takes his breath away. It’s the way Jongin kisses him with passion every single time, like Taemin’s about to disappear forever, like he’s trying to keep him. It’s the way they fuck, like it’s not just fucking, when they’re melting into one another, like two flames that belong together, that need each other to survive. It’s how, when they are together, the world outside fades away and ceases to exist, and they can be their most truthful selves. It’s the way they remain best friends through it all, and everything else just adds up, fueling their affection for each other.

Taemin feels his chest tighten. He wants to cry so bad. He realizes something that was so obvious and he can’t believe he’s been fooling himself all this time. 

He is in love with Jongin.

And he probably should tell him. 

Taemin finishes his tea and puts the cup in the sink. He turns to a calendar on his kitchen wall and takes a pen, scratching December 17th. Just one more week until Christmas Eve. Maybe he can talk to Jongin then. He smiles to himself, feeling butterflies swirling around in his stomach. Then, he gets ready for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i'm imagining everyone here knows what december 18 means in this context :(  
> so yeah, next episode there will be a time skip and it will show the aftermath of how taekai are dealing.  
> sad times coming T-T
> 
> stay safe and healthy! ♥


	8. Eclipse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep breath* here we go.
> 
> okay.
> 
> first of all, let's mind the tags again. this is a mature fic with mature themes.
> 
> second, this chapter is set in the beginning of 2018, after dec 18. 
> 
> tw // dec 18 aftermath, depictions of grief and depression.
> 
> if you don't wanna read this chapter there is a brief summary in the end note of what happened. but i urge you to try at least because i think i crafted it in a delicate way, didn't make it purposely harder than it has to be. either way, you have a choice ♥

Jongin rings the doorbell for the nth time.

“Taemin” he shouts. “I know you’re there. Open the door.”

Nothing.

He rings it again.

“Taemin, I’m not leaving until you let me in.”

He hears movement behind the door and finally Taemin unlocks it and turns around, leaving it half open for Jongin to come in. He quickly follows, desperate to see him. He’s in the kitchen, looking inside his fridge, dressed in pajamas. The house is filled with unopened boxes.

“Taemin” he calls.

He ignores him and grabs a bottle of vodka, then a glass from a cupboard. He pours himself a double dose.

“Taemin” Jongin insists, taking a couple steps towards him. “Talk to me.”

Again, he’s ignored. Taemin takes the glass to his lips, smells the clear liquid, then downs it all in a big gulp. He pours another dose and is about to drink it when Jongin takes his wrist. Taemin tries to free himself, but Jongin is stronger.

“Look at me” he asks. “Look at me!”

Taemin stops thrashing around and looks at Jongin. His eyes look completely lifeless and there are dark bags under them. He’s extremely pale and his lips are dry.

“I only opened because your screams were getting complaints from the neighbours” he says, pulling his hand free. “What do you want?”

Jongin is just stunned, gawking at him take another shot of vodka without flinching.

“What do you mean what do I want? I came to see you.”

“Well, you saw me. Goodbye” Taemin says, walking away with his bottle, leaving the glass behind.

He pads to the bedroom and Jongin follows him.

“Taemin, will you please talk to me?”

“Jongin, I’m tired” he says, turning around to face him at least. “I don’t wanna talk, I-I don’t have anything to say. I just wanna be quiet.”

He goes sit at the edge of his bed, taking a couple more sips of vodka. Jongin is horrified. He knew Taemin wouldn’t be in a good shape, but the wreck of a person in front of him is not even remotely close to Taemin. 

“Stop it” he says, marching towards him and taking the bottle away. 

Taemin takes offense by that. “Don’t be a fucking asshole.”

“I’m the asshole? Taemin, look at yourself.”

“What?” he raises his arms. “What do you want from me?”

Taemin gets up and walks out. Jongin follows him again.

“I want you to talk to me,” he says to his back.

“I am talking” Taemin answers, unearthing another vodka bottle from his fridge and pouring a shot on the same glass.

Jongin huffs and grabs his wrist. “I want you to stop drinking, how about that?”

“No.”

Taemin struggles against him until the glasses fall off his hand and breaks inside the sink.

“Fuck! Look what you’ve done.”

Jongin grabs Taemin by the arms and pushes him against the closest wall.

“Let me go!”

“Stop struggling and I’ll let you go.”

Taemin stops moving and Jongin relaxes his grip.

“Why are you here? What’s your fucking problem? Why are you antagonizing me?” Taemin starts spewing, pressing his palms into his eyes.

“Because I was worried. You won’t answer calls or texts. You disappeared completely.”

“I was sleeping” Taemin whines. “Just let me sleep.”

Jongin sighs. 

They stay in silence for a while, Taemin refusing to look at him.

“I saw you guys decided to proceed with the concerts.”

“Yeah. We did.”

“You don’t look-”

“Don’t say anything, Jongin” interrupts Taemin, moving towards the sink again, and starting to collect the shards of broken glass.

Jongin places a hand on the small of his back.

“Leave it. I’ll clean it up” he says. “It’s my fault it broke.”

Taemin lets go of the shards and takes a deep breath.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay” Jongin kisses his shoulder. “We can just lie down together if you want. I’m here.”

Jongin slides his arms around Taemin holding him tight, trying to give him all the love he can muster.

“Come on” he takes his hand and pulls him back to the bedroom.

Jongin takes off his coat and belt, and rearranges the pillows, settling himself in the middle of the bed. Taemin grabs a medicine bottle from the bedside table and drops three pills on his hand, swallowing all of them. Jongin frowns. It’s Valium. Taemin crawls closer and he wraps his arms around him. Taemin exhales softly as Jongin starts caressing the top of his head and his arm.

“I’m here” he whispers.

“Jongin, please” Taemin whimpers. “Let’s not talk.”

His voice is choked out. Jongin holds him tight.

“Okay.”

Taemin starts to sob. Jongin feels his chest constricting, his throat closing, his eyes burning. He wants to be strong for Taemin but he’s hurting too. They are both hurting so much. And there’s nothing they can do, except wait. Wait for days to pass. Wait for the new moon. But at least they can wait together.

  
  


* * *

He’s drifting through the blur of what becomes his life. He feels like an animated doll, one that only works at certain times, when it’s supposed to. When they are cheering out there, a wave of pearl aqua, he feels it all. He’s alive. He’s who he always was.

But when it’s night, sleep evades him.

He becomes a stranger, a null, a void. It’s not that he feels sad - he feels nothing at all. He can stare at the ceiling for hours, until light comes again, and not move, not have a single thing inside him.

The pills in his cabinet pile up. Anything that’ll make him sleep for just a couple hours, anything to take the edge off. With some alcohol in the mix, he can spend a day off in bed finally giving his bones some rest.

And when all fails, he can just go out downtown and find some stranger to bring home. One, or two, or three. Women or men, it didn’t really matter anymore. When he is mixing medicine like that, he’s surprised he can even feel anything.

There’s an annoying noise cutting through his pounding head. Taemin blinks a couple times, eyes dry. It’s the doorbell. Who the fuck can it be? He thinks to himself, disentangling from the other bodies in his bed. He puts his robes on and hurries to the door.

“I’m coming” he says with a completely hoarse voice.

He looks in the peephole. It’s Jongin. He opens the door and turns his back, waddling towards the kitchen to get some water, because he’s feeling parched.

Jongin comes in, looking put together like his usual self. A great contrast with Taemin disheveled, hungover, slept-with-makeup-on look. 

“Hey” says Jongin. “Are you sick?”

“No” Taemin makes an annoyed face. “I just went out last night.”

“Oh.”

“What’s up?” he asks, between big gulps of water.

“I came to check on you” Jongin rests against the sink, folding his arms. “We haven’t seen each other in a while and you don’t answer my calls and texts.”

“Sorry. We are busy with the album.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” says Jongin. “I just figured-”

“Hm, hi, sorry” says the blond woman that just came out of his room in an accented Korean. “Bathroom?”

“Down the hall” Taemin points.

Jongin frowns. “Who’s that?”

“Yessica. No, Amber. No. I don’t know. Forgot already” Taemin shrugs. 

“Seriously?” Jongin whispers.

“Don’t judge me” Taemin rolls his eyes. “She doesn’t know my name either.”

Jongin just gapes at him, while Taemin grabs a box of cereal and milk. He’s preparing a bowl when Yessica Amber and her two friends show up. 

“Hi” says the brunette. “We’re gonna go… We have to get back to our hotel.”

“Okay, bye bye” waves Taemin.

“Thanks for the night” says the tall muscular guy.

If Jongin had a shocked face before, he looks traumatized now. Taemin ignores him.

“What the hell was that?”

“Tourists” says Taemin. “Who have no idea who I am. Which makes them perfect to bring home.”

“This is what you do now?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Taemin turns around and gets up. “Don’t lecture me.”

“I’m not.”

“You like to forget but I am your senior” Taemin says while he opens his cupboards looking for a painkiller. “So don’t nag me.”

“I’m not! I just… worry about you” Jongin is downcast.

Taemin swallows a couple pills from the medicine bottle, then puts it back where he found it.

“Nini” Taemin comes close and grabs his chin. “Look at me. I’m fine. I’m perfectly happy. There is nothing to worry about.”

Taemin smiles, pats his cheek and goes back to finish his cereal. He feels Jongin approach, slide his hand on his back and kiss the top of his head.

“Okay. I’ll believe you.”

“As you should.”

Jongin chuckles. “Can I stay for a while?”

“Of course. It’s my day off” he says. “We can watch a horror movie!”

“Anything you want.”

“We can pop open a wine…”

“Wine?”

“What? It’s already past three” Taemin says. “And it’s always five o’clock somewhere.”

He winks at Jongin and grabs two wine glasses. 

“And we can’t forget the popcorn!” he puts a package in the microwave. “Let me take a quick shower.”

When Taemin comes back, Jongin unscrews the bottle and pours them their drinks.

“We should toast” says Jongin, as Taemin is about to down the wine.

“To what?” Taemin tries not to sound annoyed.

“To us” Jongin raises his glass. “Being here. Now. Together.”

“Us. Here. Now. Together” says Taemin, clinking their glasses quickly so he can drink.

The popcorn is ready and they move to the living room to pick a movie.

  
  


* * *

The afternoon turns into late night while Jongin and Taemin spend time together. It’s fun like they haven’t had in months. And it’s much like the old days, except for some details. Like the fact that Taemin drinks a whole bottle of wine by himself. That he doesn’t touch the food they order, just scrambles it around. That he’s popping who knows what kind of pills and mixing them together with alcohol.

They are on their third movie when Jongin realizes Taemin fell asleep with his head on his shoulder. He looks so peaceful like that. Carefully, Jongin takes him in his arms, and because of that he notices how light he is, how skinny he got. 

He takes Taemin to his bed. He doesn’t move at all from the position Jongin leaves him, completely passed out. Jongin goes into his bathroom. He searches the drawers and the cupboard, where he finds a pharmacy of prescription pills. Mostly for anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia, of all kinds. Then he goes into the kitchen, where he finds stockpiles of hard liquor and barely anything to eat. 

Something twists deep inside his gut. It’s guilt. He feels responsible, like he let this happen. That he should never have allowed Taemin to push him away. It had been so easy to keep himself busy with his packed schedule and turn a blind eye to the obvious fact that Taemin was not okay.

Jongin splashes some water on his face before going back into the room, where Taemin is laid like a lifeless mannequin. He gets in bed with him, holding him close in his arms, lips touching his forehead. Jongin can’t fool himself. He misses Taemin so much. He wants him so bad. He wishes he could heal him of all his scars. But he can’t. He can’t have him. And he is powerless to heal him. Jongin can only stay beside him and try to help. 

It takes him a long time to fall to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summary of chapter: taemin hasn't been answering jongin for weeks, so he finally visits him. jongin tries to be there for taemin but he's just wants to be left alone to drink and hide in his bed. jongin convinces him to lay down together and taemin needs valium to calm down. time skip. taemin is dealing with depression. he wakes up hungover with jongin visiting. he had overnights guests and jongin is shocked. taemin seems fine and happy but doesn't stop drinking and mixing it with pills. when he finally falls asleep as they watch a movie, jongin realizes that taemin is way worse than he imagined and feels guilty. jongin takes taemin to bed and falls asleep beside him.
> 
> phew.
> 
> okay we are past what i think is the hardest chapter. next one isn't easy but it's not like this one.
> 
> i hope yall are okay! i realized that writing about hard things does bring healing to me so i hope it does to the reader too.  
> stay happy and safe ♥


	9. Uneven Odds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i named this chapter after a song about grief that is very comforting. [link](https://open.spotify.com/track/1lKDEPX8WtSpospLT01asL).

He feels Taemin stirring beside him. Jongin opens his eyes and sees Taemin getting up.

“Good morning” Taemin barely says. “You slept over.”

“I did. Is that okay?”

“Sure” Taemin shrugs. “I need some water.”

He disappears into the kitchen. Jongin covers his face with his hands and wants to scream into them, but he just exhales loudly. He goes after Taemin, who’s making himself some cereal.

“Want a bowl?” he asks.

“Is that all you eat?”

“What? Of course not” answers Taemin. “I ate the food we ordered yesterday. There are leftovers if you want, by the way.”

“You barely touched the food.”

“I wasn’t hungry.”

Taemin isn’t looking at him. That’s a habit Jongin still isn’t used to, even after months. It pisses him off.

“We need to talk,” he finally says and a weight immediately lifts off his chest.

“Shoot.”

Jongin closes in on Taemin and turns him by the shoulders until he is facing him.

“This has to stop.”

“What?”

“The way you’re treating yourself.”

“How am I treating myself, Jongin? Enlighten me” Taemin shakes away Jongin’s hands.

He walks to the living room and grabs his pack of smokes.

“The pills. The liquor” Jongin says, coming after him. “Sleeping around with random strangers. What the fuck, Taemin? You think I’m blind or stupid?”

Taemin laughs disheartened. “What’s the problem, Jongin? Let me live my life.”

“You want me to just watch you crash and burn?” he says. “See you throw your hard work away?”

“For your information, my work is fine” Taemin points at him with the cigarette. “You can ask my manager. Give him a call. I don’t give a shit.”

“You think you have everything under control” Jongin shakes his head. “But you’re spiraling. You can’t even see yourself.”

Jongin spits the words out with more disdain than he intended. Taemin gapes at him for a second too long.

“I can’t see what? Tell me. Don’t hold back.”

“That you’re a mess right now” Jongin calls out. “A fucking mess, okay?”

Taemin’s face darkens.

“You know what?” he puts his cigarette out. “Fuck you.”

He walks away. Jongin makes a frustrated sound and follows him. Taemin is in the bathroom, taking a medicine bottle from the cupboard. Jongin can see his hands are clearly shaking. He rushes forward and grabs him by the wrists.

“Jongin, what the fuck?” Taemin yelps.

The medicine falls in the sink, pills rattling out. Jongin puts Taemin against the wall.

“Listen to me” he begs.

Taemin’s eyes are panicked. Jongin cups his face.

“Come back to me,” he whispers. “Just come back.”

Jongin kisses his forehead gently, his eyes burning with unshed tears. They stand still for a while and the only thing breaking the silence is their ragged breaths. Taemin is the first to move, sliding his small hands up to Jongin hair. He grips and pulls so they are looking at each other. Then, Taemin uses his thumbs to wipe a couple of tears that rolled down Jongin’s face.

“Nini” he whispers. “I-I’m sorry.”

Jongin wraps his arms around Taemin and holds him tight. Their foreheads are resting together, eyes closed. Jongin can feel Taemin’s breath against his face. It’s been almost six months since they’ve been this close. Jongin just wants to lean in and kiss him… 

His phone starts ringing in the living room. They pull apart. Jongin clears his throat.

“I should get that,” he says. “Junmyeon is probably wondering where I disappeared to.”

He heads out, taking a deep breath. Taemin follows him. His phone is on the couch. It’s his mom. He frowns.

“Hi, mom.”

“Hi, Jonginnie” her voice is strange. “Where are you?”

“I’m at Taemin’s. Is something wrong?”

“It’s… dad.”

  
  


* * *

When he hears what happened, Taemin feels like he is snapping back into reality. A reality that he hasn’t touched in a long time. Suddenly it isn’t about just his pain anymore. It is the slap he needs to stop indulging in his downward spiral of self-loathing. His head is clear for the first time in months. Because now Jongin needs him.

The night after the funeral, Taemin holds him while he cries, just as Jongin did when he needed him.

The next weeks are harsh, as Taemin tries to put himself together. He realizes he’s been gone, so far down a dark pit of contempt, and it takes a lot of brute force to rise up from there. He decides to stop drinking completely and wanes himself off most of the pills he used to take. But he still needs them sometimes, when he can’t manage his anxiety or when he can’t sleep. He starts eating properly again and gains back some of the weight he had lost. His head feels clearer, and he can focus on being a good friend not only to Jongin, but his hyungs.

Summer comes and goes.

And eventually, life gets a little more bearable, a little easier. It’s never the same, it can never be the same. Taemin still feels an absence, a gash where there used to be someone. At the same time, he strangely doesn’t feel alone when he needs him. It’s like he can close his eyes and have a conversation in his head, hearing his voice clearly, giving him the best advice, like he always did.

Taemin and Jongin’s relationship somehow gets stronger after everything they’ve been through. The ups and downs, the fights, the sex that’s just sex, the sex that didn’t seem like just sex, the starts and stops, the grief and tears. After that moment in the bathroom, where he was sure Jongin was going to kiss him, things don’t really take that turn again, and Taemin is okay with that. For once, he doesn’t want to risk burdening Jongin. And now he can’t help but see himself as a burden.

They are also in such a good place and Taemin doesn’t want to tip the scales accidentally. He thinks he’s already made enough drunken mistakes around Jongin in all the years they’ve known each other.

Taemin wakes up to a text from Jongin, saying he’s back from Paris and that he wants to talk. Taemin is in Japan, so he Facetimes him. 

“Hi, Nini. How was Fashion Week?”

“Taeminnie” Jongin opens a big smile. “It was interesting. Some unexpected developments.”

“Unexpected?”

Jongin nods.

“What do you mean?” Taemin grins.

“You know Jennie, right?” Jongin asks, uncertain.

“Blackpink Jennie?” 

“Yeah.”

“I know of her. Why?”

“Well, someone introduced us there,” Jongin says. “And we kinda hit it off.”

“Oh” Taemin blinks a couple of times. “Wow. That’s good, Nini.”

Taemin smiles and tries to keep breathing.

“I think so” Jongin glances away, thoughtful. “The timing, the setting, the mood, everything just seemed so perfect. Maybe this is what I need.”

Taemin just takes the time to admire his side profile.

“I’m sure you’re right,” he says.

“She wants to meet you.”

“What?” Taemin laughs, more nervous than he’d like to appear. “Me? Why?”

“Because you’re my best friend, obviously” Jongin smiles, rolling his eyes.

“Hm, okay, sure. Why not.”

“My schedule is packed, but I’m sure we can squeeze a night to have dinner at my place after you’re done touring. What do you think?”

“Of course” Taemin nods. “Anything for you, Nini.”

Anything for him.

The conversation gives him flashbacks to the time Jongin told him he was dating Krystal. But it doesn’t hurt so bad now. Maybe because Taemin matured enough to handle it or maybe it’s because he suffered so much the first time that he got used to seeing Jongin with someone else. He is just surprised at the way events unfolded. Maybe Jongin is right. Maybe Jennie appearing in his life right now is exactly what he needs. Taemin is okay with that. Jongin deserves to be happy.

After SIRIUS is done and Taemin is back at Seoul, Jongin somehow manages to find a night that works for the three groups. He’s certainly determined to introduce his girlfriend to his best friend.

Taemin is standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom, getting ready for dinner. He can’t deny he’s a little nervous. He tries to breathe in and out slowly, and it helps to an extent. He pushes his bangs out of his eyes and stares into his reflection. It’s been a while since he’s had a Valium, but he is too on edge, so he takes one and decides to bring the medicine bottle with him just in case.

He’s ringing the doorbell exactly at the time Jongin told him to come over. 

“Taeminnie!” Jongin is excited to see him and pulls him into a crushing hug. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Taemin huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, it’s been a while.”

Jongin is all dressed up in black, his shirt unbuttoned just enough to flash a bit of his chest, sleeves rolled up.

“Come in” he pulls Taemin by the hand.

There’s a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. 

“I got you guys this” Taemin extends a bottle of wine he bought just for the occasion. 

Jongin smiles and accepts the gift. “You didn’t have to.”

Taemin shrugs. “Where's Jennie?”

“She’s coming over with Rosé.”

“Rosé?”

“Her bandmate.”

“Oh. I thought it would just be the three of us.”

“I didn’t mention Rosé?” Jongin frowns.

“No, you didn’t” Taemin feels the back of his neck run cold and his hands get clammy.

“We just didn’t want you to be third-wheeling, so she called Rosé” Jongin explains slowly, almost like Taemin is stupid.

“Of course. Wouldn’t want that” he laughs.

“Let me pop this open and get you a glass.”

“Actually, I don-”

The doorbell rings. 

“Coming,” Jongin says.

“I can open this for us” offers Taemin.

He deftly pops the cork out. Taemin has practice with wine bottles. He opened many. He pours two glasses and takes one to himself, already sipping it. He hasn’t had a drink in months.

Suddenly, two beautiful girls appear behind Jongin. Taemin plasters a smile on his face.

“Taemin, this is Jennie and Rosé,” Jongin says, after getting their coats.

“Hi, nice to meet you” Taemin bows and comes close to shake their hands.

Jennie is smiling at him. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Taemin chuckles nervously. “And I heard about you too.”

“I’m gonna drop your things in the bedroom,” Jongin says, disappearing.

“Do you want some wine?” Taemin fills the silence immediately. 

“Sure,” says Rosé, excited.

Taemin quickly pours everyone a glass and tops himself off. Jongin comes back.

“You are gonna start drinking without me?” he teases.

“You know me.”

They giggle. Jongin grabs his cups and wraps a hand around Jennie’s tiny waist. 

“We should toast first,” he says, as Taemin is about to drink.

The crystal clinks.

“To friendship,” says Jongin. He’s staring straight into Taemin’s eyes. 

Taemin looks away and drinks his wine.

“This is good,” says Rosé. “Where is it from?”

“It’s from Chile,” Taemin answers. “I remembered having incredible wine when I visited.”

“Nice choice,” she says.

Jongin and Jennie sit on the couch, so Taemin and Rosé copy them. They get into a conversation about wine, which Taemin is so grateful for, because after all those years of drinking, he managed to absorb a lot of knowledge on grapes. 

“Nini, where’s the bathroom?” he asks after a while.

“My suite is the second door to the left” Jongin answers.

Taemin gets up and into the corridor. He’s taking his bag with him. He closes the door behind him and turns on the water wetting his hands and then patting his face and neck gently, trying to cool off. There’s only so much chit chat he can do and he feels like he’s running out of energy already. He takes his Valium out and assesses its need. He’s drinking which makes it a bad idea. But he’s tempted.

Someone knocks.

“Taeminnie?” it’s Jongin. 

Taemin puts the bottle back in his bag. “It’s unlocked.”

Jongin opens the door slowly. “Hey.”

“Hi” he leans against the sink and smiles.

“Are you hiding out here?”

“What? No. I’m just suddenly hot. It’s kinda hot in here.”

“I can lower the central heater if you want,” says Jongin.

“Thanks.”

Jongin gets in and closes the door behind him. “So.”

“So?”

“What do you think?”

“About Jennie?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s gorgeous. Rosé seems fun” Taemin starts spewing. “They are both gorgeous  _ and _ fun. I really like her dress, where do you think she got it?”

Jongin laughs. “You’ll have to ask her.”

“Let’s go back then” says Taemin excitedly. Except he’s not.

For dinner, they have amazing food that Taemin isn’t sure Jongin actually cooked. Taemin sips his wine, trying to pace himself, trying to focus on the conversation, trying to be present. Eventually, he somewhat relaxes and manages to forget the reasons that made him nervous in the first place.

“Dessert?” offers Jongin.

“There’s more food?” asks Rosé, faking outrage.

Taemin laughs. Jongin and Jennie take their plates to the kitchen, leaving Rosé and Taemin alone. She down her glass and turns to look at him. 

“So” she says.

“Hm?”

“Ain’t it fun” she throws her long hair back. “Our friends are dating and we somehow end up babysitting them or something. It’s almost like they wanna set us up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need to say that my knowledge of blackpink is: zero  
> so rosé is basically an oc here hahahahahaha and jennie looks like just a generic person because of that too (just like krystal did).  
> I'm also not sure about the timeline of nini's relationship with jennie, so this is vague. maybe they met before, idk, but i know that they were in fashion week at the same time and a friend of mine who is diehard nini fan told me he took her out to dinner so i went from there.
> 
> apart from that UGHHHH isn't it agonizing seeing them apart? but it won't last long!!!
> 
> the good new is the heavy parts are over and we can proceed to... assembling. (I wonder who gets this)  
> hehehehehe  
> stay safe! ♥


	10. It's never over

“It’s almost like they wanna set us up.”

“What?” Taemin chokes.

“I know right” Rosé rolls her eyes comically. “We’re not in high school anymore. Also, no offense, but you’re not my type.”

Taemin stifles a giggle. Rosé leans closer to him.

“I think Jennie hasn’t figured out yet that I’m into girls” she whispers.

Unable to hold it anymore, Taemin bursts out laughing, throwing his head back, and Rosé is cackling along, loud and extravagant. 

“What’s so funny?” asks Jennie, who’s coming with two plates of chocolate mousse and raspberry cake.

“Nothing,” says Rosé, wiping out her happy tears. “Oh my God, our manager is gonna kill you, Kai. We are not supposed to have these many calories. He’s gonna make you guys break up.”

Taemin tries not to laugh as Jongin deposits a piece of cake in front of him.

“Shut up, Rosé!” Jennie says, giving her friend a playful pat on the shoulder.

They eat the delicious cake and again Jongin and Jennie disappear into the kitchen. Rosé is gulping on another glass of wine when Taemin grabs his pack of smokes. 

“You want one?”

“Actually, yes I do.”

“We should go to the terrace so we don’t stink up his house.”

“Absolutely.”

The two of them pass by the kitchen entrance to let the couple know where they are going.

“Ew,” says Rosé, as they see Jongin and Jennie kissing. “We’re going up.”

“What?” Jongin asks, confused.

“We’re going to the terrace for a smoke,” explains Taemin. “Be right back.”

“Careful or you’re gonna choke on your tongues” Rosé teases before they run out of the apartment.

They are giggling all the way up to the terrace.

“Fuck, it’s cold!” she shouts, holding her coat close to her body. “What won’t we do for a smoke.”

Taemin puts two cigarettes in his mouth and lights them both, handing one to Rosé.

“Thanks, honey.”

“I tried quitting this year,” he says. “Didn’t work out.”

“Fuck quitting. I need nicotine to get through the day. Life’s so stressful.”

They walk towards the railing, admiring the view. Rosé is so refreshing and being around her definitely made Taemin’s night better. He can’t imagine how it would have been like with only him and the couple. A nightmare, probably.

“Aren’t they fucking rude, though?” she says like she’s reading his mind. “Sneaking out to suck face like that in the middle of dinner. Disgusting.”

Taemin knows she’s half kidding. He bumps his shoulder against hers. “You’re funny.”

“I know” she smirks. “Well, I hope they use this time for a quickie or something. It’s not like they can see each other much.”

“They… don’t?”

“Nope. Busy, busy idols.”

“I thought you were supposed to make time for the ones you love.”

“That’s not love, honey, that’s lust.”

“How can you tell?”

“I’m just smarter than the average person.”

That makes both of them laugh like children.

“I’m glad I got to meet you, though,” Rosé says. “You legend.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You’re Lee fucking Taemin.”

He hides his face behind his hand.

“And you’re like, really sexy,” she says. “If I was into guys I’d probably give you the time of day.”

“And if I preferred girls I’d give you the time of day as well.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” she says wide-eyed. “You’re so much cooler than I thought.”

“Thanks?”

“You should give me your number. Downstairs, I’m fucking freezing.”

They get in the elevator. Rosé is holding herself, jumping up and down.

“Come here” Taemin holds her close and starts rubbing her back.

Both can’t stop giggling as they step into the apartment.

“We’re back! Put your clothes on!” shouts Rosé.

Jongin and Jennie are very much dressed, sitting on the couch.

“You’re such a drunk, Rosé” Jennie rolls her eyes.

“I like her” Taemin points at Rosé.

“See? He likes me. He appreciates me” Rosé states dramatically. She could be an actress.

“Oh, stop it. Let’s go home, it’s late.”

The girls grab her things and say goodbye.

“I can help you clean up” Taemin offers.

“Sure.”

They are in the kitchen doing the dishes. 

“So… You like her?”

“Rosé?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s so much fun,” Taemin smiles. Jongin is giving him a side look. “Not like  _ that _ , Nini.”

“Oh,” he starts. “For a moment I thought…”

“You thought what? That I liked a girl that much younger than me?” Taemin is amused.

“What do you mean ‘that much younger’? Jennie is younger than me” Jongin says. “You think that’s a problem?”

“Of course not” Taemin tries to amend. “She’s a  _ girl _ , Jongin. I’ve slept with girls, but I honestly prefer men. I’ve never been in love with a girl.”

“Have you ever been in love?” Jongin asks in a flash, looking at Taemin.

“Why do you care, Jongin?”

“Just curiosity.”

A pause.

“Are you in love?”

Jongin keeps scrubbing the plate.

“I guess you could call it that.”

Taemin musters a smile.

“As long as you’re happy, Nini” he leans in and kisses his cheek.

“Thanks.”

When they are done, Jongin makes them tea, and they sit on the couch.

Taemin’s nursing his warm cup when Jongin suddenly says, “Stay the night.”

“What?”

“It’s late. And cold. Stay.”

Taemin blinks. “Okay.”

Jongin looks past him, surprised. Taemin turns around to see what happened. He puts his cup aside and gets up, walking towards the windows. It’s the first snow of December.

Then, Taemin feels Jongin’s hands sliding around his waist, holding him close. Jongin’s chest is molding against his back, and Taemin has to assert a lot of self-control not to sigh under the extremely intimate touch. Jongin’s nose is sunk into the back of his ear and it gives Taemin chills. He puts his arms over Jongin’s, trying to keep himself together, while they watch white flakes cover the city. 

He believes that whatever Jongin is doing, he doesn't have ill intent. Taemin knows Jongin would never cheat on anyone. But the way he’s holding him right now is doing things to Taemin he didn’t think were possible anymore. He squirms himself free.

“We should go to bed. It’s late.”

Jongin nods and there’s a glint in his eyes that Taemin chooses to believe is only his imagination. Jongin lends him some pajamas and they get inside the heavy blanket after brushing their teeth. They are laying on their sides, facing each other. 

“Do you still have trouble sleeping?” Jongin asks.

“Yes.”

“Me too.”

Taemin reaches for his cheek, caressing the skin with his thumb. Jongin takes his hand and kisses its palm. The feeling spreads all over Taemin’s body like Jongin spilled a golden warm rivulet into his flesh. They stay like that, Jongin holding Taemin’s hand close to his face until they fall asleep.

Somehow, they shift during the night and Taemin wakes up to Jongin spooning him. Their bodies are glued together from shoulder to thigh. Jongin has an iron grip around Taemin’s chest. And besides that, he can feel Jongin’s erection pressed against his ass. That’s perfectly normal, he thinks, it’s a natural reaction. But still, that’s not helping his six-month draught. And he knows he has his own cock, which is already half-hard, to deal with it. He repeats to himself that it’s just how their bodies work, it has nothing to do with sex.

Taemin tries to wiggles himself free, but Jongin just holds him closer and grunts. 

“Jongin” he calls. “Wake up.”

He elbows him in the ribs, not too hard.

“Hm,” Jongin starts waking up.

“Nini.”

“What?” he blinks his eyes open slowly.

Taemin is looking over the shoulder at him, their noses too close.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” he says.

Jongin looks confused. “Okay.”

“You have to let me go.”

“Oh, sorry” Jongin rolls away. “My bad.”

Taemin gets up and locks himself in the bathroom. He leans over the sink, taking a deep breath, trying to recompose himself. He splashes cold water on his face. Something is clawing inside his gut, like he could throw up if he had anything in his stomach. He takes a few seconds to pull himself together and step out with a smile on his face.

“Coffee?”

* * *

_So I'll wait for you and I'll burn_   
_Will I ever see your sweet return,_   
_Or, will I ever learn?_   
_Lover, you should've come over_   
_'Cause it's not too late._   
  


* * *

She’s perfect. 

She’s beautiful and fun, she’s cute and young enough to still remain a bit innocent in such a ruthless industry. She’s independent and successful. They are great together. She’s perfect.

Which means something is wrong with Jongin.

The morning after the dinner party, where he woke up with Taemin in his arms, was like time-traveling. Suddenly it was 2017 again and they were the only two people in the world. Except they weren’t and 2018 was ending. But the fantasy that lasted a couple of seconds still felt too real and left Jongin shaking and uncertain. He thought he was over his feelings for Taemin. He had made himself get over it after everything that happened in the past year. Taemin didn’t want him anymore and he could never impose his feelings on his best friend.

And then Jennie showed up out of the blue and Jongin believed that was too good to be a coincidence. And for a couple of months, he gave himself entirely to it and tried his best. And it was fun. Until something cracked. He started feeling fractured, like he was not his entire self around her. They saw each other less and less, mostly because of their packed schedules, and Jongin found himself not really missing her company. The infatuation was dying down.

When the news broke out, he was already half out of it. It was dreadful to realize he’d go through another public breakup. But it wasn’t fair to her to keep up pretenses. Turns out she also wasn’t feeling it anymore. At least he didn’t break anyone’s heart.

All of that made him morose and pensive. Jongin seemed stuck in a cycle. He had liked being with Krystal and Jennie. But his moments with Taemin were too intense. They left a mark on him like scalding iron against the skin. His heart and thoughts kept coming back to him, even as he laid with other people. And Taemin seemed like he’d moved on.

He’s in a practice room with his EXO members when Baekhyun whips out his phone and puts Taemin’s Want MV that has just come out. Jongin has already seen it, when Taemin came excited to show him before release, so he watches it with feign disinterest from his seat. Truthfully he wants to start fucking screaming, because what kind of lyrics and movements are those? Taemin is blond and deadly, covered in snakes and smoke and red. It’s like a big joke, like the universe is laughing at his pain, rubbing it on his face. It’s like something from his deepest dreams just came to life. Jongin wants to get in that and rip off Taemin’s clothes and kiss him senseless.

Instead, he just gets up and walks away, sitting on the ground near the mirror.

“Taemin is so, so, so hot,” says Baekhyun. “This is outrageous.”

Now Jongin just wants to punch his friend.

Kyungsoo sits beside him.

“Hey” he goes, with that comforting smile.

“Hi.”

“Are you good?”

“Sure.”

“It’s a rhetorical question. I know you’re not.”

Jongin chuckles. “I know what you’re gonna say.”

“What am I gonna say?”

“Let it go, or something.”

“I’m not gonna say that.”

Jongin finally looks at him. “Then what are you gonna say?”

“Don’t give up” Kyungsoo whispers, so no one can hear them.

“I don’t know right or wrong anymore,” says Jongin, feeling his chest tighten. “I’m scared to fuck things up.”

Kyungsoo puts a hand on his knee. “You’re a good guy, Jongin. Trust your instincts. I doubt they’ll fail you.”

Jongin smiles, then pulls Kyungsoo for a hug. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!
> 
> oh nini, you've bit more (or less) than you can chew huh? either way, the bitesize was quite wrong. again!  
> when will they learn they are meant for each other? it seems jongin is finally ready to realize it though ;) yes I'm throwing hints here!  
> btw, song from lyrics and title is: lover you should've come over by jeff buckley. it's fantastic and it helped me write many scenes on this fic!
> 
> well I hope you liked this chapter! turns out rosé had no interest in taemin in the first place hehehehehehe  
> see you soon   
> be safe ♥


	11. Avengers assemble

They are sitting on a table with Lee Soo-man, the seven of them, from four different groups, different backgrounds, different ages, and all uniquely talented, when Taemin hears the confirmation that they are going to his new bandmates. He’s immediately excited. He knows all of them well, and Jongin and Baekhyun the longest. He got to know Ten better on Hit the Stage and he already knew all of them since they were rookies. He has basically seen them grow up, debut, and become successful in their units.

And now they are SuperM.

He’s incredibly happy because, since his SHINee hyungs are in the military, he’s given the chance to debut with another group, put out more music, and tour. But he’s especially happy Jongin is with him. And he knows Jongin is just as happy too, as their eyes meet from across the table, and they both know what they’re thinking. 

Finally!!!

After saying goodbye to Lee Soo-man, Taemin suggests the seven of them get drinks and chat in an empty practice room. He asks his manager to bring them some smoothies while they all sit down, intense excited blabber filling the entire room. Taemin is just standing, watching “the kids” and Baekhyun, when Jongin steps beside him.

“I guess we’re bandmates now,” he says.

Taemin chuckles. “Yeah.”

“Come here” Jongin pulls him into a hug and it feels like home.

Taemin closes his eyes and he can smell Jongin’s perfume at the curve of his neck. He pulls back before he’s inebriated. The drinks arrive and they all sit in a circle, talking, having a good time, and laughing at Baekhyun’s shenanigans.

When the encounter is over, Taemin decides he has a good feeling about this.

They soon record their mini-album and start practicing, with a tight schedule to shoot the MV and fly to Los Angeles for their debut at the beginning of October. Taemin is giving it his all, pouring his dedication into the project, and he can see the other members are as well, and everyone is doing great.

Obviously, he and Jongin see each other constantly, even if Jongin has his EXO commitments. They have never spent as much time together as they do now, preparing for their debut. Taemin enjoys his company, always has and always will, but the last night he spent with Jongin at his apartment still nags at the back of his mind. The hug, the closeness, the intimacy that shouldn’t be there, but insisted on coming forth every time, even when Jongin was with someone else. Someone who he broke up with a month later. It had scared Taemin, thinking he might have done something wrong at the time, maybe sent mixed signals. So he basically ran away, focused on his work and his tour, and tried to forget about it.

But it is all coming back to him now, with Jongin around. So he builds a glass dome around himself and closes it with a lock. Something that allows them to be close, but not too close. Taemin needs a bit of space if he’s going to keep his head focused on the job. 

Which is one of the reasons Taemin really wants an individual bedroom in the house they’re staying in Beverly Hills. What if he and Jongin end up sharing a room? Jongin even suggests it, and that sounds like a recipe for disaster. So when Taemin realizes he got the room he wanted, he’s grateful that the universe seems to be conspiring in his favor. And that Taeyong picked another one, probably because he knew how much Taemin wanted room three. Taeyong is officially a guardian angel.

The night before their showcase, Taemin’s nerves get the best of him. He’s rolling around on his bed, unable to fall asleep. Sighing, he gets up and tiptoes towards the kitchen, fumbling around for the light switch. When he turns it on, he almost screams.

“Fuck!” he mutters. “What are you doing sitting in the dark?”

Jongin has a devilish smirk on his face like he’s enjoying this too much. “You look funny when you’re scared.”

“Shut up!” Taemin laughs. “My soul just came out of my body, okay?”

Nothing scares Taemin. Except for bugs. And Jongin.

He pads to the counter, looking for the electric kettle. Jongin gets up from the couch and approaches slowly.

“Can’t sleep?”

“I’m nervous,” says Taemin. “You?”

“Yeah. And just general insomnia” Jongin gets two cups. “Still happens sometimes.”

“Same” Taemin fills the kettle with water. 

“You are off the pills?”

“Completely,” says Taemin.

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. Lemongrass tea will hopefully help us” Taemin smiles.

He feels Jongin watching his profile in silence. Why is Taemin scared to face him so suddenly? His belly is filled with nervous butterflies like he’s that young boy in Osaka that just wanted to spend the night with his best friend.

“It’s unreal, isn’t it,” Jongin says, filling the silence, and Taemin is thankful.

“What is?”

“This. That we’d end up together here.”

Taemin scours Jongin’s expression. It’s soft and joyful.

“It’s like no matter what life throws at us, we never let go of each other” he leans against the counter and folds his arms over his chest. “And these past two years… A lot of times it felt like being in a storm at sea.”

Taemin knows exactly what he means.

“Yeah. And I would have drowned without you.”

Jongin looks at him and they’re both serious.

The water boils, interrupting the moment, and Taemin fixes them two cups of tea.

Jongin is blowing over the hot beverage. They drink in silence.

Taemin slides closer to him, trying to arrange the words that are pooling around in his throat.

“I’m glad that you’re here,” he finally says, fingertips touching Jongin’s arm lightly.

Jongin is staring into his eyes in a disarming kind of way.

“I know that I’ve never said the exact words” Taemin continues, pushing down the feelings in his chest that threaten to burst. “And I know that between us it doesn’t need saying at this point, but-”

Jongin turns his body towards Taemin and drops his cup on the counter.

“You mean so much to me.”

The words feel small almost like they are not enough to explain what’s inside him. He thinks he might be shaking a little. Jongin wraps his arms around Taemin’s back and pulls him tight against his chest. Taemin sighs. The truth is there’s something else he wants to say, something that he wanted to say for almost two years, something he let himself forget and push into the dark locked basement where he kept the things he doesn’t wanna think about. Three little words that died on him a long time ago and now are rising from the ashes, lighting up again, starting to burn warm in his heart.

Jongin is brushing his lips against Taemin’s head and his touch is so fond, so loving, like everything that Taemin wants to feel, wanted to feel for so long and hasn't allowed himself. He’s been keeping Jongin at a distance and all he wants now is to crash the glass that separates them, become as close as possible. He feels persistent tears forming in the back of his eyes and they seem like a long time coming because all that he needs right now is to let go completely in Jongin’s arms. 

“Hyungs?”

Jongin and Taemin jump apart in reflex. It’s Lucas, eyes barely open, clearly half asleep and shirtless. Taemin reaches for his cup immediately and goes back to drinking from it. 

“Did the noise wake you up?” asks Jongin.

“Just got thirsty,” says Lucas, pouring himself some water. He yawns. “What about you?”

“Going over things for the showcase,” says Taemin, with a steady clear voice. “We should go to bed, though. Goodnight.”

He leaves for his room without sparing Jongin a second glance. Taemin locks his door, plagued by the irrational fear that Jongin is gonna show up and continue their conversation. 

  
  


* * *

After Jongin manages to finally send Lucas back to bed, he takes long steps until he’s standing in front of Taemin’s door. His heart is beating fast so he takes a couple of deep breaths. He raises his hand to knock but stops before he actually does it. He touches the door and his hand falls to the knob. He twists it. It’s locked.

Jongin sighs.

He wants to see Taemin, wants to keep talking to him. He thinks that they haven’t been this close and honest in a long time. And he hates that the moment was cut short, even if he doesn’t blame Lucas for being thirsty in the middle of the night. Jongin drags his feet to his and Baekhyun’s room, who’s fast asleep under the covers. He lies down and stares into the dark.

Kyungsoo told him to trust his instincts and they are telling him that there is more under the surface of Jongin and Taemin’s relationship. Even if he doesn’t know what, even if he’s scared to find out, Jongin can’t just give up or set it aside. He already tried. He dated and hooked up with other people. No matter how many paths he trailed, Jongin always ended up in the same place. In front of Taemin.

When he finally falls asleep, Jongin dreams of him. They are kissing and it feels so real Jongin wakes up with a startle, confused and covered in sweat. He pulls himself together quickly, though, because he sees Baekhyun start to move around in his bed.

Jongin jumps in the shower and tries to relax. He has to deal with his raging morning erection, probably affected by the images his brain conjured up in the middle of the night, but after that he feels like a whole new person, ready to focus on the day ahead of him. They head to the venue and start getting ready. Everyone is excited and a little nervous. Jongin and Taemin feel each other’s hearts, beating so fast, and Jongin laughs at the irony of what that looks like.

Right as the platform to the stage is about to lift, Jongin pulls Taemin for one last hug.

This is it.

They are doing it.

The cheers are deafening. The lights are blinking. The pink, white, pearl aqua, and pearl neo-champagne are waving all around in front of them.

Another moment of their lives where they are bound together.

Then there’s a second of complete silence before the song starts, the second that always changes everything for Jongin, the second he changes into Kai and all the nerves and worries and thoughts are gone. He’s nothing but the right then and there, nothing but the music in his lungs and bones. The moment when he gives himself completely.

It’s like being on a high and by the time it’s over they’re all exhausted and elated. Back at the house, they pop open a champagne bottle. Everyone is celebrating and laughing, and the ones that can are drinking. Jongin passes out and sleeps like a baby that night.

They fly back home knowing they’ll soon be back for their first tour dates in November. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE UPDATE! hehehehe  
> I wanted to get to this part soon, so here we are. next chapter still comes up Friday.
> 
> btw, jongin pulling taemin for a last hug as they get on the platform is real! it's on their LA video and they cut right in the middle of it but it happened :P
> 
> aaaaaa how long can taemin escape nini? not long ;)
> 
> be safe people ♥


	12. Tell me to stop

SuperM kicks off their North American tour with relentless energy. It’s just five concerts and a couple of interviews before they have to get back to South Korea for other commitments and schedules, but they hit every night like it’s the last. Their chemistry is amazing, the fans are receptive and they are all enjoying themselves a lot. 

They are in their van, going back to the hotel after a day of interviews with various media outlets, and shooting some fun content. Taemin is sitting at the back alone and to his side are Lucas and Ten. He’s been discreetly eyeing them for a while now. The way they laugh and smile at each other, the way Lucas always reaches for a point of physical contact, like the knee or the small of Ten’s back. The three of them had to hug for a minute earlier and Taemin felt like a third wheel, not that it was a problem. It was funny and it made him curious about the friendship between the two of them. In some ways, they remind him of himself and Jongin. There is a spark that is undeniable. He wonders if they realized it yet.

Up front, Baekhyun is sitting with Taeyong, making him laugh as always. The EXO member has an easy time doing that but it seems that he is flocking to his dongsaeng more and more lately, and Taeyong welcomes him warmly. It’s nice to see him away from his NCT duties a bit. He seems more relaxed and willing to be taken care of. And Taemin knows he needs it. 

And farthest away, at last, are Mark and Jongin, enthralled in a conversation about music and songs that Mark is recommending to him. From where he is, Taemin can only see the top of Mark’s head and hear his characteristic laugh and the way he refers to Jongin as “Kai-hyung”, which is so cute. Jongin, with his fading blue hair, has creasing eyes from smiling at the younger boy. Earlier he said Mark reminded him of Kyungsoo, and that’s probably one of the best compliments you could get from Jongin.

Taemin smiles to himself and looks out the window. The streets of New York are cold, but somehow it’s all welcoming and beautiful. There’s something in the air he can’t explain and everything seems to be in its right place.

In high spirits, the group decides to have an early dinner together at a nice restaurant and get a good night of rest before the show tomorrow. 

“Oh, don’t let Jongin hear me,” says Taemin to Mark and Lucas. “But of course we used to get into trouble.”

The boys laugh.

“Are you talking about me?” Jongin says from across the table, where he was chatting with Baekhyun and Taeyong. 

“No, of course not” Taemin smiles.

Jongin squints his eyes comically and goes back to his conversation. 

“But between the two of us, I’d have to say I’m the troublemaker,” says Taemin. “Jongin has always been a good boy. So, yeah, that was SMTOWN back in the day. Damn, I sound like an old lady.”

“No, hyung, this is fun to listen to,” says Lucas. 

Ten, who seems a bit disconnected from everyone, is moving food around his plate mindlessly. 

“Hey” calls Taemin.

Ten glances at him and smiles. 

“How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

“Maybe a bit nervous” he nods. 

“Babe, c’mere,” Lucas says, arm wrapping around his shoulders. “You have no reason to be nervous. You look so great out there.”

Ten chuckles and his cheeks pink up. Taemin watches them fondly, as Lucas kisses Ten’s temple. Even though Lucas is much younger than Ten, he never hesitates to take care of him.

He glances at Jongin. And Jongin must feel he is being watched because their eyes meet. Jongin smiles at him, that bright warm smile that always disarms Taemin completely.

  
  


“Goodnight, hyungs!” says Taeyong before going into his room.

“This is me” Baekhyun’s room is right next to him. 

“See you tomorrow,” says Taemin.

He and Jongin are the only two left in the corridor of the hotel. Jongin’s room is next.

“I’ll walk you to your door,” he says.

Taemin looks at him suspiciously. “Sure.”

They pace themselves until Taemin’s room. He’s about to put his keycard in when Jongin takes his hand suddenly. Taemin rests his shoulder on the door and considers Jongin, wondering what is going on in his head. Jongin’s thumb is running over his wrist.

“Can I come in?”

“What?”

“Just for a bit.”

Taemin reads Jongin’s face.

“We have to be up early for soundcheck,” he says. “Is something going on?”

Jongin shakes his head. “I just want to spend some time with you.”

The air escapes Taemin’s lungs and doesn’t seem to come back as he hears Jongin’s soft voice, tinged with longing. It’s like his dark eyes are seeing into Taemin’s every thought that he ever had about Jongin. 

“Maybe tomorrow?” Taemin says keeping his voice steady, building up walls between them.

“Okay” Jongin puts on a small smile and kisses Taemin’s cheek.

His eyes flutter shut and he bites down his lip. Jongin backs up towards his room and waves goodnight.

Taemin gets in his room and leans against the door, gulping large amounts of air, covering his face with his hands, feeling heat spread across his entire body. 

He doesn’t know how he’s going to keep Jongin at bay if this keeps happening.

The next day, Taemin tries to isolate himself inside his glass dome. He focuses on every task like it’s extremely important, barely looking up or sideways the entire time. Taemin believes everything is going great. He just has to make it through tonight and he’ll be back home soon, where Jongin will be busy dealing with his EXO comeback.

Sitting on the makeup chair, Taemin has his airpods on and is getting into the right mood before the concert, when he realizes that Jongin has his eyes fixed on his through the mirror. It’s the same look he had last night, a look that’s drilling into Taemin’s every thought and feeling. It’s like being ripped apart from the inside out and he only felt this vulnerable when they held each other in the dead of night. Time might as well have stopped because Taemin is trapped inside this moment and he can barely catch a breath.

He’s thankful for whatever pulls Jongin’s attention, probably one of their dongsaengs, because he turns to answer something, giving the chance for Taemin to escape him once again. How many more times is he going to get away unscathed? He closes his eyes and relaxes, while the makeup noona finishes her job.

It’s easy for Taemin to get one hundred percent into his persona when he’s on stage and the show is over in the blink of an eye. But when he’s out of the lights, unhooking himself from the mic wires and peeling off all accessories, he’s back to being only human. And again he feels like he’s being watched. He’s taking off his jacket when he sees Jongin from across the room and time stops again for them.

And it’s clear as day.

Jongin wants him. 

Taemin can read it like a sign on his face and it sends a shiver down his spine. His legs weaken. 

Back to the hotel, Taemin hides inside the bathtub, hot water reaching his earlobes. He’s trying to clear his mind but all he sees is Jongin’s eyes and its obvious desire. At least his body is relaxed because his thoughts are hectic. For some reason, he’s going over the last decade of memories with Jongin. Seeing that laying still isn’t helping, he decides to finish his shower quickly and head to bed, maybe drink something from the minibar to take the edge off. When he’s rinsing his hair, Taemin hears a faint noise outside. He gets out and slips into the fluffy hotel robes. Now he distinctively can hear knocking on the door.

“Coming!” he says, rubbing a towel against his head and going towards the entrance

He peeks the peephole and sees only a head of blue hair.

Jongin.

Taemin sighs. He opens a fraction of the door. 

“Hey.”

Jongin eyes him up and down. “Let me in.”

“I just got out of the shower.”

“So? Are you gonna talk to me while I’m standing in the middle of the corridor?” he chuckles.

Taemin lets him through, unable to argue. He musters a smile and keeps drying his hair. Jongin is wearing slippers, sweatpants, and one of his pajamas t-shirts. They stand at the entrance, facing each other, Jongin towering over Taemin a couple of inches.

“Can’t sleep?” Taemin asks.

Jongin nods.

“Do you want something to drink? I was thinking maybe-”

Taemin is suddenly put against the wall.

“Nini” the towel slips from his grasp with the scare. “What are you doing?”

Jongin’s hands are delicately surrounding his waist. He’s looking down at Taemin with yearning. He takes a step closer and starts kissing Taemin’s temple slowly, making his way down to the cheek. Taemin’s eyes flutter closed and he bites down on his lip to try not to make any compromising noises. His breathing changes rapidly into a ragged mess and he almost loses himself before coming to his senses.

“Jongin,” Taemin says, pushing him away by the chest, so he can look at him. “We shouldn’t.”

Silence.

Jongin does not falter. He knows what he wants.

“Tell me to stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i ended there XD i'm gonna post before next Friday so don't worry, no one will wait long! hahahahaha enough waiting around for these two amirite
> 
> this chapter was fun to write and I think the people that read the other parts of the series can understand why, since it ties up with the background of the other fics.
> 
> but anyway!  
> nini is officially done playing around :P
> 
> hope you liked it!  
> see you soon  
> stay safe ♥


	13. War of hearts II

“Tell me to stop.”

Taemin can’t believe what he hears, after all this time. He wants to laugh or cry or both. The words work like a key, unlocking every barrier he put up between them. He can’t escape Jongin now - and it’s the first in a very long time that he doesn’t want to. Because the truth is he misses him so fucking bad. And there’s nothing holding him back.

So Taemin takes his time moving his fingertips from Jongin’s chest to his face, caressing and caring for it like it's the most precious thing he’s ever touched. He looks deep into his eyes, beautiful and dark and holding entire galaxies inside, before leaning in and joining their lips gently. And it’s instantly familiar, the texture, the softness, the sweetness. All over Taemin’s body, he can feel the warmth of their kiss reaching in and giving him goosebumps. Jongin parts his mouth and deepens the touch, searching for Taemin’s tongue with his. 

That’s when Taemin knows he is completely lost.

Being kissed by Jongin feels like a million fireworks exploding in his mind and in his body and in his heart, to the point where he doesn’t know up or down anymore, and all he can hear is a drumming sound in his ears.

Jongin holds him against the wall, pressing their bodies close, kissing him like it’s the first time they are together. Taemin is breathless soon but he doesn’t want to stop. He’s on his tiptoes, arms wrapped around Jongin’s neck, holding on for dear life because he knows his legs aren’t functioning by now. They just stay like that for the longest time, until their lips are plush and red. 

Taemin unfolds when Jongin’s firm hands start dancing around his sides, gripping and urgent. Jongin kisses his jaw, then latches onto his neck and Taemin lets a tender sigh escape. Jongin’s hands ride up slowly until they reach Taemin’s arms, bringing them over his head and pinning them to the wall. Jongin takes Taemin’s lower lip between his teeth and presses his hips against him. Taemin is so far gone that he can’t even stop a moan. Jongin keeps kissing him relentlessly, having all of Taemin under his control, who is glad and willing to give himself over to Jongin. They’ve been wanting one another for too long and it shows.

Jongin holds both of Taemin’s wrists with one hand and runs down his body with the other, from Taemin’s neck to his thigh. Jongin pulls back to watch Taemin’s face as he slides his fingers inside Taemin’s robes and wraps them around his cock. Taemin whimpers helplessly. It’s been way too long since he’s been with anyone. And Jongin knows exactly what he likes. But Jongin is just teasing, nibbling his jaw, his earlobe, the curve of his neck… 

“Jongin, please” Taemin pleads.

So he stops what he’s doing and picks Taemin on his lap, taking him to the bed. Jongin deposits Taemin down gently in the middle of it and gets on top of him. He cups Taemin’s face and watches him carefully. Taemin smiles, takes Jongin’s hand, and kisses its palm. Jongin rests their foreheads together. For a second, Taemin thinks he’s gonna say something, and he gets scared. But Jongin just deposits a peck on his lips before starting to mouth down Taemin’s body, taking his time. He gently unties his robes, uncovering Taemin’s skin. Jongin kisses all the way down to his thigh, then takes his erection in his mouth, making Taemin squirm and grab at the sheets for purchase.

Taemin is already unraveling into a panting mess when he feels Jongin’s lubed up fingers reach for his ass and start opening him up. He bites his lip, trying to keep the noises in, but when Jongin rubs on his spot Taemin cries out, pleasure flaring up his entire body, in a way he hasn’t felt in a really long time. Jongin continues stretching him slow, adding a second finger and then a third. By that point, Taemin has already ascended into another plane of existence and is about to tell Jongin to stop or he’s gonna cum, when Jongin seems to read his mind and sits up to take off his clothes. Taemin tries to control his breath and come back to himself, blinking a couple of times. He uses the time of Jongin rolling on a condom to take off his robes completely and lie back down.

Jongin lays on top of Taemin, who wraps his legs and arms around him. Jongin’s eyes are shining with lust and devotion, unwavering, as he starts sinking in. There’s the familiar burn, and Taemin can’t help holding his breath, face scrunched up at the pain. It’s not unbearable, but his body is not used to it anymore, so it feels like it’s resisting Jongin. His nails dig into Jongin’s back involuntarily. Jongin stops moving.

“It’s okay” exhales Taemin, kissing him. “It’s just been a long time.”

Jongin nods. Taemin fists his blue hair and they rest their foreheads against each other as Jongin bottoms out. Taemin takes a couple of deep breaths, feeling some tears roll down his face. He hopes he can pass them as nothing more than a natural reaction to the pain, even though Taemin’s fluttering heart is saying otherwise. 

It’s not just sex.

It’s never been just sex.

Jongin brushes their noses together and kisses him. Taemin sinks his heels into Jongin’s lower back, telling him he can start moving again. He starts slow, careful, depositing kisses along Taemin’s jawline, watching his reaction and expressions. Taemin can feel Jongin’s affection in every inch of his body and movement, in his every gesture, handling Taemin delicately. It makes his chest begin to overflow with all sorts of feelings, longing, pain, confusion, passion, lust, love, all mixed together with the pleasure that’s building up. 

With one arm, Jongin holds Taemin by the hips and readjusts their position, while the other caresses his hair. When Jongin kisses him, he never closes his eyes and because of that Taemin feels more vulnerable than ever before. He can feel tears building up, fighting to spill out. Jongin ups the pace and starts thrusting right at Taemin’s spot, pulling moans out of him, that increase in volume as the barrage of heat spreads across his body. 

Taemin throws his head against the pillow, unable to hold his tears anymore, rolling back his eyes, losing himself to everything that’s been growing inside him like a storm about to explode. And when he finally lets go, when his senses blackout and the high takes over him, he cries out Jongin’s name, and a kaleidoscopic bliss washes over him.

Taemin’s shaking as he comes down from his orgasm, panting and trying not to reduce himself to a sobbing mess after they just had sex for the first time in almost two years. Jongin is catching his breath, lightly covered in sweat, resting his head on Taemin’s chest. They don’t move an inch apart from the natural flutter of their chests, in sync, until Jongin kisses Taemin’s collarbone. Then, he finally looks at him. Taemin smiles faintly.

“Let me clean you up” he offers.

Taemin nods. Jongin kisses him before getting up carefully. Taemin wipes the tears off his face and tries to pull himself together before Jongin returns. He just shuts his eyes and relaxes. Jongin sits back on the bed and brushes the warm wet towel against Taemin’s skin with devotion, while Taemin watches him with lidded eyes. Seeing Jongin like that, even in the darkened room, awakens in him things that he thought were long gone and buried.

After Jongin is done, he goes to the bathroom and Taemin gets under the covers. Jongin comes back and lies beside him, sighing content. He huddles to Taemin’s arms, resting on his shoulder. Taemin kisses the top of his head. 

“This is making me want to have a smoke,” Taemin says.

They laugh. 

“Memories?”

“A lot of those” Taemin’s fingertips are running over Jongin’s back.

“We can’t. We quit.”

“Well thank you very much for making me want to relapse” he teases.

Jongin squeezes him tight.

“I hope you didn’t leave any hickeys.”

“I can’t promise anything,” says Jongin without regrets.

Taemin giggles. “I can’t believe you.”

Jongin gets on his elbow and looks at Taemin, brushing his bangs away from his face.

“You said it’s been a long time.”

Taemin thinks to himself,  _ fuck _ .

“Yeah.”

“Can I ask how long?”

“Do you want an exact date?” Taemin jests.

“No, I’m just… curious” Jongin becomes downcast

“May of 2018” he answers, because why the hell not.

Jongin gawks at him. “You mean, that day?”

“Yeah.”

"Why?" 

Taemin shrugs.

“Come here” he pulls Jongin down for a kiss, trying to distract him.

“Did I hurt you?”

“You didn’t” Taemin smiles at his worry.

“You were crying” Jongin's fingers brush lightly against Taemin’s cheek.

“It was just… a natural reaction” he lies. “Don’t worry, baby.”

“Okay.”

They kiss again and, exhausted, soon fall asleep in each other’s arms.

  
  


* * *

When they’re back home, Taemin disappears. Not that Jongin is surprised. He’s already starting to work on his comeback that’s set for March of next year. And Jongin is busy promoting Obsession with EXO, so it’s not like he can check up frequently.

What happened in New York was the result of a long time storm building up inside Jongin. If he’s being completely honest with himself, he’s wanted Taemin back since the night of the dinner party at his apartment, with Jennie and Rosé. At the time, he dismissed his feelings as the usual affection for his friend that had always been there. But almost a year later he knows better. He never stopped wanting Taemin and now he’s wondering if he’ll ever stop. So he went to Taemin’s room that last night at the hotel in New York and put him against the wall because he needed to know once and for all if Taemin would reject him or not, if he was right about them or not.

And Jongin was right. They can’t stay away, like magnets that are pulled together.

Why do they keep coming back to each other?

Is this what being in love truly feels like? Because it was nothing like what he felt with others. It is messier and confusing and complicated. Their story isn’t clean-cut or linear. Sometimes it barely makes any sense in Jongin’s mind. He stayed up so many nights just trying to untie the knots of their relationship, trying to figure out what they were and meant to each other, under all the noise of their lives.

But whatever the answers are, answers Jongin doesn’t have, one thing remains true. There is a line that connects them. An invisible unbreakable bond that neither Jongin nor Taemin can get away from. They both persistently tried and failed. And Jongin is tired of lying to himself. He wants Taemin back.

So he waits for the second part of their tour. Overseas, inside hotels, far from the familiarity of their homes, it’s neutral ground. After their show in San Diego, Jongin stalks to Taemin’s room much as he did in New York. And Taemin opens the door, unable to hold back a smile. Jongin has him in his arms in a matter of seconds, no words needed, as they tear each other’s clothes away and head to the bed. Jongin kisses and kneads his entire body, making Taemin pliant and breathless under his touch. And it’s the way Taemin loses himself that makes Jongin lose himself too.

From then until Mexico, they spend all nights together, much like a honeymoon. During the days, around the others, they keep pretenses up and everything is business as usual. But in the dark, the world is only theirs.

They fly back to South Korea again and there goes Taemin disappearing one more time, busy with his comeback. He knows it’s not an excuse, that he’s actually working and preparing, but Jongin was getting used to having him on his bed. Like a drug, Taemin is easy to get hooked on, and after each time Jongin wants and needs to increase the dosage.

In a way, he’s starting to dread the end of the tour. Without it, what will be his excuse for spending so much time with Taemin? Will he just start popping up at his house in the middle of the night?

On their last night in London, the group goes to a restaurant to celebrate their successful tour and everyone has a bit too much champagne. When they go back to the hotel, Jongin is a bit drunk. And being a bit drunk makes him a bit emotional.

Taemin throws himself at the bed and starts untying his boots. Jongin gently picks up his ankle and does it for him.

“Thanks,” he says.

Jongin smiles. “Anything for you.”

Taemin laughs.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Taemin gets on his elbows and looks at Jongin very seriously.

“Of course.”

“Are Baekhyun and Chanyeol still dating?”

Jongin is surprised by the random question. “I think so? You know how they are. It’s hard to keep track. Coming and going for fucking six years…”

Taemin is thoughtful and pursing his lips.

“Why?”

“It’s just that” he starts. “I think I saw something… Nevermind.”

He shakes his head.

“What did you see?” Jongin takes Taemin’s other ankle. “Now you gotta tell me.”

“Maybe I drank too much” he presses his palms against his eyes. “You didn’t see anything weird?”

“Taemin, you’re being cryptic.”

“Fuck, sorry. I think I saw Baekhyun biting Taeyong’s ear when we were riding back to the hotel.”

“What? Don’t be absurd” Jongin laughs.

“I know. It’s insane. I’m just drunk and blind.”

Jongin crawls on top of him. “Why are we talking about Baekhyun anyway? Fuck him.”

Taemin giggles and wraps his arms around Jongin’s neck. “Okay.”

Later, after they’ve fucked each other senseless and taken a shower, Taemin falls asleep satisfied and soundly in Jongin arms. 

But Jongin can’t seem to sleep, as he worries about what the future holds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna post sunday but changed my mind XD why make you all wait any longer? you deserve this chapter hahahahaha
> 
> and I hope you enjoy it since the fic is coming to an end :( sad but true. I'll obviously write taekai again tho, but most probably in canon divergent or aus.
> 
> anyway, stay safe! ♥


	14. Blindspot

Just like Jongin predicted, Taemin disappears as soon as they step foot in Seoul. He won’t pick up his calls and is vague when answering texts. The world has fallen into chaos and Jongin is falling apart. He is needy and lonely and missing Kyungsoo’s advice. But the second-best thing to that is none other than Chanyeol and Sehun, so one night they decide to meet up at their dorm.

“Fuck Taemin” shouts Chanyeol. “I mean, I love him, but fuck him.”

“Hyung, don’t say that” Sehun protests.

“Also, fuck Baekhyun” adds Chanyeol, downing his glass of whisky.

“What happened now?” Jongin asks.

“Just… stuff” Chanyeol says.

“Which means you’ll be back together in no time,” says Jongin.

“No-no-no” Chanyeol shakes his head.

“Don’t you agree, Sehunnie?” Jongin asks.

“I’m not getting in between them ever again” he answers. “I’ve learned my lesson. Stay away from Chanbaek…”

Chanyeol wraps his arm around Sehun’s neck and pulls him close. “I know you always side with me anyway, you don’t have to say it.”

Sehun covers his face with his hand and Chanyeol laughs.

“Sometimes you’re a jerk too,” says Jongin.

“Hey!” Chanyeol points one finger at him. “I’m here defending you and you slander me.”

Sehun laughs. “Everyone’s a jerk. How about that?”

“I can agree with that. Cheers” nods Chanyeol.

They all clink their glasses.

“Nini, what’s the deal? You think Taemin doesn’t want you back?” Sehun asks.

“He’s been hot and cold for years,” Jongin says. “Sometimes I’m sure he likes me, but then something happens that undermines everything else.”

“I don’t know what’s worse,” Chanyeol says. “Not knowing, or knowing and not being able to make it work.”

“The problem with you and Baekhyun is you have this fixed idea that you have to ‘make it work’ when there’s not one right way to be in a relationship,” says Sehun.

“I thought you were staying out of it” chuckles Chanyeol.

“He makes a good point,” Jongin says.

“Just because I’m younger you guys always underestimate my advice. But I’m smart” he taps his temple.

After a second of silence, the three of them burst out laughing.

“You are. You’re smart” Chanyeol makes a mess of Sehun’s hair.

“And I think Taemin likes you, Nini,” Sehun says. “That’s my take on it.”

“What makes you think that?” asks Jongin.

“Just… a feeling.”

Jongin huffs frustrated. He takes another sip at his drink and spaces out, while Sehun and Chanyeol keep talking about whatever Baekhyun did this time. He suddenly picks up his phone and types a text.

_ Jongin: you up?  _

It doesn’t take long to get a response.

_ Taeminnie: how did you know? _

He smiles to himself.

_ Jongin: I know you. _

_ Jongin: Can I come over? _

He bites down his lip, waiting for an answer.

_ Taemin: I’ll be waiting. _

Jongin’s heart picks up the pace instantly. 

“I’m leaving” he gets up.

“Where are you going?” asks Chanyeol, surprised.

“He’s going to see Taemin obviously” Sehun answers before Jongin can.

“Yeah… that” he half-smiles to his band members.

“Damn, you can’t stay away” Chanyeol teases.

But it’s true. He can’t.

So he won’t.

Jongin says goodbye. He picks up a bottle of wine because he wants a reason to show up in the middle of the night that isn’t just sex, and drinking is the first thing that comes to his mind. Soon, he’s at Taemin’s door. He rings the doorbell.

“That was quick,” says Taemin, letting him in.

“I was nearby.”

“Oh, really?”

Jongin extends the wine to him.

“A gift.”

Taemin smiles and takes the bottle.

“Thanks.”

Jongin follows Taemin in, who opens the bottle while Jongin takes off his coat and drops it over at the piano bench. Taemin puts two glasses over the counter and pours the wine, pushing one towards Jongin when he is done. Jongin is desperately trying to hide his nerves, so he says:

“Let’s toast.”

Taemin looks at him funny but raises his cup anyway.

“To our successful tour,” says Jongin, unable to think of anything else. They clink glasses.

“It was, wasn’t it,” Taemin says casually, taking two generous gulps of the wine and pouring himself a little more. 

Jongin takes comfort in the fact that they’ll be both buzzed for whatever comes next. He sits at Taemin’s couch. The living area is dimly lit, and the city glow is pouring in from the windows.

“Come sit with me, Taeminnie.”

Taemin makes a point to sit on the edge of the sofa, leaving the wine bottle on the coffee table. 

“Give me that blanket,” asks Taemin. “It’s cold.”

Jongin grabs it and moves closer to Taemin, pulling his feet over his lap, then covering him. Again, Taemin looks at him funny, but Jongin just smiles back at him.

“You said it was cold. I’ll keep you warm.”

“Sure. Like you kept me warm in London.”

“You liked it” Jongin can’t hold back a smirk.

“I’m not saying I didn’t” Taemin sips from his glass.

Jongin’s free hand wanders under the comforter and starts massaging Taemin’s foot. He is trying to gather the courage to open his mouth and say all the things he came here to say, but he’s a coward. 

“So where were you?” Taemin asks, breaking the silence.

“Out.”

“During a pandemic, you were just… out?”

“Yes.”

Jongin takes a couple of gulps from his wine. 

“I thought you were alone,” says Taemin.

“What makes you think I wasn’t?”

Taemin laughs a bit.

“Come on, Jongin.”

“Okay, fine. I was out with some friends.”

“Why did you leave then?”

Jongin shrugs. 

“Felt…”

“Lonely?” Taemin completes.

Jongin looks at him. He squeezes Taemin's foot.

“Yes.”

“You can always visit me” assures Taemin, finishing his glass and extending to Jongin. “Fill me up.”

Jongin laughs at this and indulges him. 

“And what were you up to?” he asks.

“Just couldn’t sleep,” Taemin says.

“That’s all?”

Jongin watches Taemin shrug, drinking up.

“You know it happens sometimes,” he says. “I spent so many years bunking with my bandmates, even sharing beds. Every now and then it feels weirdly empty here.”

“You can call me and I’ll come sleep with you,” says Jongin.

Taemin looks at him and rolls his eyes.

“I’m serious!” says Jongin.

“Why do I think you came here just to fuck?” Taemin laughs, kicking the covers and getting up. He refills his glass.

Jongin’s face heats up and he gets up as well, flustered.

“Of course I didn’t, why would you say that?”

Taemin just stares at Jongin, arching an eyebrow. 

“I didn’t. I will not” says Jongin resolutely.

Taemin bursts out laughing.

“Jongin, what’s wrong with you?” he asks, sitting down again, covering himself. “We can have sex if you want, it’s not a big deal.”

Jongin stands around nervously. The way Taemin says it like it’s nothing makes Jongin’s determination deflate. Taemin pats the space next to him.

“Come here. Tell me what’s wrong with you.”

Jongin sits down by Taemin. He can feel the edges of his heart start to crack and he knows he can’t take this anymore.

“Nothing is wrong, just… I was thinking.”

“That never ends well,” Taemin says.

“No, hear me out” Jongin pleads, trying to mask his pain. He clears his throat. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

“Oh,” Taemin goes.

“Wait, that came out wrong” Jongin rubs his temple. “I don’t wanna keep doing what we’ve been doing all these years.”

Silence.

“That sounds exactly the same, Jongin.”

“No, you don’t get it-”

“It’s fine. You don’t have to dance around it” Taemin interrupts him and finishes his glass, setting it on the coffee table. “You wanna move on.”

“No, Taemin-” Jongin panics.

“We knew this day would come eventually. It really was inevitable and unsustainable-”

“Lee Taemin, shut up” Jongin finally says.

And that gets Taemin’s attention. Jongin sets down his glass and turns to face him, taking his hand.

This is it. He’s gonna say it. It’s coming out, after years of waiting.

“Taemin, I-” Jongin starts. “I wanna date you.”

Silence. Jongin is looking right into Taemin’s eyes searching for the answers. But then he realizes Taemin is about to laugh at him.

“Fuck you,” he says and turns to pour himself some more wine.

Taemin bursts out laughing.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh God,” Taemin says, burying his face in his hand. 

Jongin groans dejected and gulps down his wine.

“Wait, hold on, hold on” Taemin manages to answer. “What are you trying to say? Date me?”

Jongin turns to face Taemin again, grabs his hands. He looks him right in the eyes.

“Taemin, I’m saying that I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time.”

Taemin stops smiling. Jongin has his attention.

“And I’m done waiting. I want some time with you, even if it’s not much, even if it doesn’t last, because whenever I date someone it never lasts, but-” Jongin kneels in front of Taemin, getting off the couch. “I need to have this with you. I want you all to myself.”

Taemin is staring at him dumbstruck, while Jongin waits for an answer. The seconds stretch excruciatingly. 

“Say something, please,” asks Jongin.

Taemin pushes forward and seals their lips together instead of saying something. Jongin takes a while to process that. Taemin pulls back a bit, they stare at each other.

“Is this a yes?” Jongin needs to make sure.

“Yes,” Taemin smiles.

This time there is no room for errors or misunderstandings or doubts. Jongin heard it from Taemin. So he pulls him for another kiss again, because he doesn’t really know or want to say anything. 

Taemin gets up and pulls Jongin by the collar with him. Jongin holds him by the waist tight, as their tongues brush together. Jongin savors Taemin’s mouth like it’s the first time, slow and carefully, biting and nibbling. The heat increases as they keep kissing, Taemin wrapped around his neck, on his tiptoes, bodies flush against each other. Jongin moves to Taemin’s jawline, neck, earlobe, wanting to taste all of him and never stop.

“I know I said I didn’t come here to fuck, but…” he says.

“Shut up and kiss me, Jongin” Taemin whispers.

Jongin picks Taemin in his arms, making him burst out laughing, and bridal carries Taemin into the bedroom.

“You are so cheesy,” says Taemin when he is put down beside the bed.

“I have a right to be cheesy now,” smiles Jongin. “With my boyfriend.”

He savors the word in his mouth and watches as Taemin reacts, clearly enjoying it too. Jongin grabs him by the nape and they stare at each other, taking in every feature, those familiar features they’ve known for so long, that are now under a new light. 

“Then kiss me,” says Taemin, finally.

Jongin gets closer slowly until their noses are touching. He brushes his lips against Taemin’s, teasing. Taemin sighs into his mouth when Jongin passes an arm around his waist, pulling him close, bodies molding together. The languid kisses start picking up speed, becoming breathy and heated. Jongin rolls his hips against Taemin, feeling their erections rub together. Jongin runs his hand under Taemin’s sweater, fingertips exploring and kneading his skin.

It’s the same old touch, except it’s not. Not at all. Jongin feels like he’s breathing for the first time, and the air is crisp and sweet and infuses life into him like never before. Taemin tastes as he did at Four Seasons after the Melon Awards, except thousands of times better, so rich and pure and soft, Jongin just wants to worship him like something out of the heavens. 

They tear off each other’s clothes.

“Lay down,” asks Jongin, voice heavy with lust.

Like always, he just wants to make Taemin feel good because that makes him feel good. And he knows exactly what he likes, knows Taemin’s body like the palm of his hand. Gently and slowly, Jongin stretches him out, watching him nonstop, drinking his every reaction and moan. He teases him, taking him to the brink of his pleasure. Then, he stops, rolls on a condom, and picks Taemin in his lap.

Taemin is already a breathless mess, cheeks flushed and disheveled hair, holding onto Jongin for purchase. They clasp their lips and tongues, slow and feverish, as Taemin starts sinking onto Jongin’s cock. The burn makes Taemin hold his breath, and Jongin deposits calming kisses on Taemin’s cheeks. Jongin is holding Taemin’s weight like it’s nothing, looking at him and kissing him with devotion. Taemin starts moving with his help, their foreheads touching, their breaths mingling.

Jongin just lets Taemin take the lead, giving him occasional kisses and nibbles on the lips and neck, running his hands all over his back, enjoying their bodies heating up together and the feeling of being one with him at last. He watches Taemin’s pleasure building up slowly, his head thrown back, his eyes shut, his sounds growing. 

“Jongin” Taemin cries out desperately and Jongin knows what he needs.

Jongin lays him down and starts fucking him hard, lifting his hips off the bed. Taemin locks his legs around Jongin’s waist, hands gripping his hair. Taemin is reaching his peak and Jongin is right there with him. And there’s something urgent in the back of his throat he’s been holding way too long.

“Taemin,” says Jongin, looking him right in the eye. “I love you.”

Taemin cries out, almost screaming as Jongin fucks him through his orgasm, and then Jongin is cumming with him. They are both trembling as they come down from their highs, and Jongin crumbles on top of Taemin.

They are catching their breaths as Jongin rests on Taemin’s chest like he did many times before. After a couple of minutes, Jongin raises his head and kisses Taemin. They smile at each other. Then, Jongin gets up carefully and throws away the condom, picking up some tissues and cleaning them up. He gets back in bed and Taemin snuggles against him. Jongin wraps his arms around Taemin and pulls him even closer, kissing the top of his head. Taemin props up on Jongin’s chest to look at him. Jongin just stares at him, still not believing everything that just happened. So many things pass through his mind, memories, faces, years. There had been others, but no one was Taemin. No one ever came close.

“You don’t have to say it back, you know,” he says, aware that the confession might have been too out of nowhere.

Taemin blinks at him a couple of times. He smiles and deposits a kiss on Jongin’s lips.

“I love you like crazy,” he says.

Jongin squeezes Taemin even tighter. He’s scared he misheard him, but that’s not possible. Taemin just said he loved him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't upload this bc I had such a busy week and it felt good to take a break from fandom for a couple days. but here it is! our babies are finally together.
> 
> as the name clearly states, this in nini's counterpart to the oneshot I wrote a long time ago, where they get together, which was what made my sis coax me into writing this whole saga. so if you like it, blame her XD
> 
> see you next week!  
> be safe ♥


	15. 2 kids

The night they finally confess their feelings, Jongin and Taemin fuck a couple more times before taking a shower and sleeping on a fresh set of sheets.

Next morning, Jongin opens his eyes and he’s immediately happy, with Taemin in his arms, smelling the scent of his shampoo and feeling the softness of his skin.

“Good morning” Taemin whispers.

“Good morning” Jongin kisses him.

Taemin smiles. “Coffee?”

Jongin nods. Taemin gives him a couple pecks before getting up.

“You want a sweater? It’s a bit chilly.”

“Sure.”

Taemin takes the biggest one he can find and throws it over to Jongin. Then he disappears to the kitchen. Jongin gets dressed and goes to the bathroom, washing his face and teeth. After, he finds Taemin filling the coffee machine. Jongin just watches him work, his dark hair all over the place, eyes puffy from sleep. Jongin finds him adorable.

“What?” asks Taemin, chuckling.

“You’re cute,” Jongin smiles.

“Cute? Shut up.”

“You are” Jongin closes in on Taemin and wraps his arms around him, kissing his nape. 

Taemin giggles. 

“Can we talk about last night?” Jongin whispers.

“Sure. Let me just use the bathroom.”

Taemin leaves. Jongin sits at the piano while the coffee machine works, filling the place with the nice aroma. He tries out a couple keys, until he feels Taemin sitting next to him. Taemin plays some chords from his new song, then stops and looks at Jongin.

“I like it,” he says.

Taemin smiles. “Thank you.”

Jongin takes his hand.

“You know last night when I said I loved you, I meant that I’m in love with you” Jongin says, staring at his eyes.

Taemin doesn’t seem surprised, but he also doesn’t say anything for a while.

“For how long?” he finally asks.

“A long time.”

“How long?” Taemin insists. For some reason that seems important.

“Years” Jongin answers. “I think when you called me to your room in Osaka I was already under your spell.”

Taemin is biting down his lip, eyes shining with tears.

“No way,” he says.

“Baby…” Jongin turns towards him and slides an arm around him.

A tear rolls down Taemin’s face and he wipes it away. 

“You’ve liked me all these years?” he chokes out. “You never said anything.”

Jongin sighs, feeling stupid. “When you kissed me after the Melon Awards, it was amazing. But we acted like nothing happened and I didn’t know what to do, really. I was young and dumb and I didn’t wanna lose my best friend.”

“I didn’t wanna lose you too,” Taemin says.

“And everytime we got together I felt you pulling away. For the longest time I thought you just wanted to hook up and nothing else. And I accepted whatever I got from you.”

Taemin sniffles, eyes red, tears pouring nonstop now.

“What about Krystal? Jennie?”

“Failed attempts at moving on” Jongin answers. “And both times I still couldn’t let you go.”

Taemin hides his face in his hands. Jongin decides to pick him up and take him to the couch, where they can be more comfortable. Jongin sits down with Taemin on his lap and runs circles on his back with his palm, soothing him.

“Does it make you this sad to know I like you?” he whispers, teasing.

Taemin lets out a teary chuckle.

“I just can’t believe it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I love you too” he says, glancing at Jongin.

Jongin smiles. “You said that, yes.”

Taemin starts bawling.

“Baby, don’t cry” Jongin kisses his face, wet and salty from tears.

“You really hurt me” Taemin hiccups. “Even if you didn’t mean to.”

“I’m sorry” Jongin pleads, pained.

“After you dated Krystal I just figured you’d never want to be with me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because they were easier choices. Because you can be a public couple with a woman.”

“You think I care?”

“I don’t know. How could I know?” Taemin says. “I just tried to move on and build up walls to keep you away…”

“That night at the hotel” says Jongin. “Why didn’t you refuse me?”

“Because I loved you, you idiot” Taemin hits Jongin in the shoulder. “And I thought you just wanted sex.”

“I thought _you_ just wanted sex.”

“Well the sex was pretty good…”

Jongin chuckles. “It is pretty good.”

Taemin smiles. “It is.”

Jongin pulls him down for a kiss.

“I was gonna tell you” Taemin wipes his face with his sleeves. “But then I lost myself and I was a mess for so long. And I didn’t wanna be a burden. I just wanted to get myself together and try to be a good friend.”

“You’ve always been a good friend,” Jongin says. “The best friend. And you were never a burden.”

“Thank you for saying this” Taemin hugs him tight. “Thanks for showing up and finally saying something.”

Jongin sighs into that embrace, feeling so content, like all the pieces are in its right place at last.

Jongin pulls Taemin by the nape to look at him.

“That night at the dinner party” he starts. “When I thought you liked Rosé, I-I got so jealous. And I knew how unfair it was but I couldn’t help it. Even then I still wanted you.”

“It’s okay” Taemin cups Jongin’s face. “We’re here now.”

They kiss long and deep, holding each other tight, afraid to let go just an inch. They kiss between breathless vows of love and devotion. They kiss like it’s a promise. A promise that they will never leave again. That they’ll never fail each other. That they’ll always tell the truth. That the past is gone and all that matters is now and ahead. They kiss to say the things which there are no words for. 

They lay down on the couch, intertwined. They just enjoy the feeling of their bodies together, the closeness, the warmth, their scents. Jongin kisses the top of Taemin’s head, never wanting to let go.

  
  


* * *

For Taemin and Jongin, the weeks before the concert are a mix of practicing and hanging out. Whenever they aren’t working, they are together. Jongin sleeps over every night and his clothes start taking a chunk out of Taemin’s closet. Not that he’s complaining. They are inseparable and it makes sense after all those years of misunderstandings and longing. They kept missing each other for so long, failing the timing, but not now. Everything finally fell into place.

Taemin doubts either of them ever had sex like this. Because of late-night practices and packed schedules, they don’t have a lot of time, but when they manage to, it’s an out of this world, mindblowing high. It’s such an intimate connection and Taemin never gave himself away like this, so entirely and completely. Jongin manages to make Taemin feel so loved, he sometimes thinks he could cry. 

But as everything is perfect in their small little world, the unexpected happens outside, in their group. In the middle of a practice Lucas babbles in front of everyone that Taeyong is Baekhyun’s boyfriend, stunning all of them. Taemin already suspected something was up. He saw Baekhyun and Taeyong getting cozy multiple times during tour, and he sensed some tension between Ten and the two of them lately. So Taemin makes everyone sit down and work out their problems. And for that to work, he decides to disclose his and Jongin’s relationship. Except for Baekhyun, who already had an idea of what went on between them throughout the years, everyone is shocked. But it gets the kids talking.

Turns out Ten had feelings for Taeyong and saw him and Baekhyun together in London. Then he vented with Lucas, and that’s how he ended bringing it up when he stood up for Ten. Again, Taemin is witnessing Lucas taking care of Ten without hesitation. It made him realize that they are all stuck in the script of a drama. Baekhyun and Taeyong, Taeyong and Ten, Ten and Lucas… They just don’t realize it yet. The only one that just watches from the sidelines is Mark. Lucky him.

Because it was a spur of the moment decision to reveal their relationship, Taemin and Jongin decide they should actually have a talk about it.

“I still can’t believe him,” Jongin says, sitting against the headboard, arms crossed over his naked chest.

“Jongin, cut him some slack” Taemin answers. “You really think Baekhyun cheated on Chanyeol?”

“I can’t know for sure,” he says. “But like you pointed out and I failed to see, Baekhyun and Taeyong were pretty close during our tour.”

“Maybe they were on a break, maybe they were in an open relationship again” Taemin gets in bed beside him. “Chanyeol and Baekhyun are… complicated and we know it. Why does it bother you so much?”

“Call it a bad feeling or something like that,” Jongin says. “Someone’s gonna get hurt.”

“That’s how it goes sometimes, unfortunately,” Taemin sighs.

Jongin looks at him and reaches for his hand.

“Forget about them,” he says. “How are you feeling after telling everyone about us?”

“I’m okay with that,” smiles Taemin. “Are you okay with that?”

“Of course” Jongin kisses Taemin’s hand. “I’d tell the entire world if I could.”

Taemin laughs. “For now, I think maybe we should just think about telling my manager.”

“I trust your judgment and I’ll agree with whatever you decide.”

“You’re too adorable.”

“I’m a good boyfriend” Jongin pulls Taemin into his arms and kisses his cheek.

“You’re an amazing boyfriend.”

A couple of days later, the two of them are sitting in his living room with Taemin’s manager.

“So, what is it that you want to tell me?” Jin asks.

Taemin looks at Jongin and then at Euisoo again.

“Jongin and I” he starts. “We’re dating.”

Euisoo scratches his chin. “I see… How long?”

“A couple of weeks.”

“Officially. But we’ve been seeing each other for years” Jongin adds, taking Taemin’s hand.

“Yeah. It’s not something that’s going away” Taemin says. “So we thought you should know.”

Euisoo looks thoughtful for a couple of seconds. “Okay. Well, you’re old enough to know the drill. Try to keep things as private as possible, especially around the time of Taemin’s comeback. And we should tell management eventually.”

“Okay” nods Taemin.

Euisoo congratulates them before leaving. Taemin closes the door and goes back to the living room.

“So. That went well” he says.

Jongin gets up and slides his arms around him. “It did.”

Jongin picks Taemin up and spins him around, making him laugh. Jongin stops and kisses him deeply.

“We should head to bed. We have a concert tomorrow” Taemin says.

“I actually have another idea.”

“Oh, which is it?” asks Taemin.

Jongin’s hands slide down to Taemin’s ass and lift him up. Taemin wraps his legs around his waist as Jongin takes him into the bathroom. He sets him on the sink and runs his hands under Taemin’s sweater, depositing slow kisses on his jawline.

“Hm. I see” Taemin chuckles.

Jongin smiles deviously and keeps mouthing down Taemin’s neck. Taemin throws his head back and sighs content, fingers clutching Jongin’s hair. They make out until Taemin’s breath is hitching and their bodies are simmering. Jongin starts opening Taemin’s pants, biting on his bottom lip. Taemin moans as Jongin fists his cock, moving slowly. He reaches for Jongin’s zipper, wanting to return the touch as soon as possible. Jongin sighs as Taemin starts jerking him off at the same pace. 

It doesn’t take long for Taemin to cum and Jongin follows him soon after. They take a shower together and get ready for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost forgot to update XD oops, my bad. work still keeping me busier than i'd wish.
> 
> so, when i was writing this chapter, 2 kids came out! can you imagine my literal tears listening to it and imagining our two babies? omg i was shook. i figured i'd name it after the song ♥ which is my most listened to this year btw hahahahaha
> 
> i hope everyone is doing well. this is almost done :( i am working on other taekai ideas but don't know when I'll post my next story.  
> be safe ♥


	16. (Old) friends

The Beyond Live concert goes great but ends in a flash. Later, the group has dinner at a fancy restaurant, with an open champagne tab, courtesy of Mr. Lee Soo-man. Everyone is having a great time, laughing and joking around. Taemin can see Baekhyun and Taeyong snuggling up at one end of the table, while he and Jongin chat with Mark. Lucas and Ten are nowhere to be seen. 

“I need to use the restroom,” Taemin says.

When he’s washing his hands, Jongin pops up behind him.

“Nini, no, what are you doing” he laughs, as Jongin bites his earlobe. “Not here, anyone can come in.”

“Then follow me,” he says, cryptic, taking his hand.

Jongin takes him to the sliding doors that lead to the terrace and opens them. Outside, they can see Lucas immediately turn to greet them, revealing Ten behind him.

“Hyungs!” Lucas welcomes them, opening his arms. “What’s up?”

What a great actor, Taemin thinks.

“We came to check the view” lies Taemin. 

“We were taking selfies” Ten waves his phone around. “Amazing, right?”

“Yes, it is” agrees Jongin. He takes his phone out and hands it to Lucas. “Hey, take one of us.”

Taemin and Jongin pose for the photo with arms wrapped around each other. 

“Why is everyone here?” Mark suddenly arrives, followed by Baekhyun and Taeyong, who are actually holding hands.

Taemin can clearly see Lucas gauging Ten’s reaction.

“We are taking selfies!” answers Taemin. “Come on, let’s take a group one.”

They ask a waiter to take a picture of them and then they all proceed to take some selfies with each other as more champagne arrives.

Taemin is dizzy when he gets home that night. He’s thrown over his couch while Jongin makes some tea.

“These kids… They are just like us” he says.

“What are you going on about?”

Taemin snickers.

“They remind me of us when we were young.”

“Who?” Jongin brings two cups and sits beside Taemin.

“All of them.”

“Taemin, you’re drunk” Jongin smiles at him fondly.

“I know” he chuckles.

“Also Baekhyun is older than us.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” he says, slurred speech.

He sits up and takes his tea.

“Jongin,” he whispers, coming close to him. 

“Yes?”

“We totally walked in on Lucas and Ten having a moment at the terrace,” Taemin says, like it’s a big secret.

“Good. Remember how he walked in on us in L.A.? Now we're even.”

Taemin throws his head back laughing.

“You had way too much champagne,” Jongin says.

Taemin just keeps laughing.

  
  


* * *

When Taemin falls asleep on the couch, Jongin picks him up and bridal carries him to the room. He gets him out of his fancy dinner clothes and into his pajamas, then tucks him in. Jongin undresses down to his underwear, because he usually runs hot, and lies beside him. In the darkened room, he can still see Taemin’s face. His fair skin, his long lashes, his plump lips. His delicate features look so peaceful. And it fills Jongin with joy just to watch him close and so intimately. To share all the small and big moments with him. He wants a life with Taemin and he knows that feeling is not going anywhere.

Weeks pass, as Taemin prepares for his comeback and Jongin starts working on his solo debut. They get into a routine that Jongin loves, and by now he has basically moved into Taemin’s apartment even though they never really talked about it. He realizes it would normally be too soon, but they are far from a normal couple. 

“Baby” he calls, getting home. “Where are you?”

“In the office” he can hear Taemin’s faint voice.

Jongin finds Taemin sitting in front of his computer, going over something.

“Hey” he greets, kissing the top of his head.

“Hi, baby” Taemin turns around and gives him a smile, reaching for his hands.

“Chanyeol and Sehun invited me to listen to some of their new songs,” he says. “And I was wondering if you wanna come with me, so we can finally break the news to them.”

“Sure. If you are ready, I’m ready” Taemin agrees.

They arrive at the studio later. Jongin turns to Taemin and cups his face.

“Are you nervous?” Taemin whispers.

“Maybe. I don’t know why” Jongin says, feeling his stomach doing flips.

Taemin chuckles and kisses his cheek. “Let’s go. It’s gonna be fine.”

Jongin knocks and comes into the room to find Sehun, Chanyeol and Baekhyun lounging around with a couple of drinks.

“Hey! He’s here!” Chanyeol hollers.

“And Taemin!” Sehun celebrates.

Everyone greets each other warmly and Jongin and Taemin take a seat in two comfortable armchairs. 

“How have you been doing?” asks Sehun.

Taemin and Jongin trade a look. That somehow gives Jongin the last bit of courage he needs to say it.

“Actually, Taemin and I have news” he takes Taemin’s hand. “We’re dating.”

Silence.

“Finally!” Sehun clamors.

“It’s about damn time!” shouts Chanyeol.

Their reactions make Taemin laugh and Jongin joins him. Obviously, Baekhyun already knew, so he’s not really showing any reaction.

“And you knew?” Chanyeol asks Baekhyun, figuring it out easily.

“For a while, yeah.”

“We ended up telling SuperM” explains Jongin. “For group dynamic reasons.”

“Yes. That” Baekhyun agrees and clears his throat.

“We should drink up to it,” Sehun says, passing them two beers. “When was it that you guys hooked up the first time?”

“The night of the Melon Awards” Taemin answers.

“2013” Jongin adds, looking fondly at Taemin.

“That night was memorable indeed” as Chanyeol says this, his arm slides around Baekhyun’s back.

The gesture is small but Jongin realizes in an instant that they are back together. Again. He wonders how much Chanyeol knows about Taeyong, and vice-versa. But Jongin tries to put it out of his mind and be present with his friends. They chat and listen to some of the songs from Chanyeol and Sehun’s upcoming album, which do an amazing job to encompass their energy and essence.

After a couple of beers, he excuses himself to the restroom. When he’s about to go back, someone knocks. Jongin opens and Baekhyun forces his way in, locking the door behind him.

“Er, yes?” Jongin says.

“I know what you’re thinking” Baekhyun spews. “Don’t start anything, please.”

“I’m not.”

Baekhyun snorts dejectedly. “I saw your face.”

“I-, okay” Jongin sighs. “I just feel like it was yesterday that you were cozying up with Taeyong after our concert.”

“Yesterday? It was weeks ago” says Baekhyun. “See, I knew you were judging me.”

“Taeyong has no idea what he’s gotten himself into,” Jongin says, trying to make a level-headed point. “You and Chanyeol have way too much history.”

“You think I don’t know that? I’ve been there for all of it” Baekhyun runs his hands through his hair. “Chanyeol wanted to get back together and I… I’m trying to make it work.”

Jongin looks at Baekhyun and sees a stressed mess. His new video is dropping in a couple of days and he’s probably been preparing for his stages like crazy.

“Hyung, come here,” he says, pulling Baekhyun into a hug. They stay like that for a while. “Do you want Hawaiian pizza?”

“I hate you,” Baekhyun says, but laughs. “I haven’t had pizza in way too long.”

“I can tell.”

They pull away.

“I’m sure you’re trying. And I’m sure you can make it work” Jongin says, patting Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“Let’s hope you’re right,” Baekhyun sighs. “We should go back.”

“Yeah. They’re probably wondering what we’re doing in the bathroom together.”

Later that night, as they get ready for bed, Taemin is lighting a candle. Jongin is against the headboard, staring into the distance.

“What’s up with you?” Taemin asks, curious. “You’ve been quiet since we met the boys.”

“Come here,” Jongin says.

Taemin crawls to his knees on his side. Jongin takes his hand.

“What?” Taemin smiles.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Taemin seems a bit confused.

“I mean it.”

“I know that.”

Jongin cups his face, rubbing his thumb over the soft cheek.

“Even if we fight and yell,” he says. “Promise me you won’t leave too.”

Taemin’s dark eyes are round and shining in the golden light.

“I promise.” 

Jongin leans his head against Taemin’s and sighs. 

“I love you.”

Taemin kisses him. “I love you too, Nini. You don’t have to worry. I’m here.”

  
  


A couple of months later, SuperM is relaxing after practice at SM. Taemin’s manager brought them some smoothies and they’re lounging around the floor of the room.

“Hm, everyone,” Ten says, suddenly.

They all stop talking and look over at him.

“There’s something me and Lucas need to talk to you about.”

“What’s up?” Baekhyun asks.

“It’s not a big deal, but we thought that it’s fair for you to know” Ten keeps going. “We’ve been dating for a while.”

“Oh, no way! I mean, that’s awesome!” Mark says.

Taeyong motions a clap but doesn’t actually make noise. “I already knew.”

“You did? I never saw this coming” Baekhyun seems surprised. “But I guess you do look good together.”

“Thanks” Lucas is flushed and obviously shy.

“Taemin called this one” Jongin exposes him.

“What?” Ten laughs.

“I have good instincts” he shrugs, smiling. “Remember when we were in New York and the three of us had to hug for one minute?”

“Oh my God” Lucas hides his face behind his hand.

“It was funny,” says Taemin.

Everyone is laughing. 

“Well, since we are on the subject,” Mark says unexpectedly. “I’ve been seeing someone.”

“Mark!” Ten exclaims. “What? You didn’t say anything!”

“I’m saying it now” he chuckles.

“And you knew about this?” Ten asks Taeyong.

“Of course I did. I basically set them up…” he smiles proudly.

“Who is it? Wait, let me guess…” Lucas says. “Is it someone from Dream?”

“No. He’s older than me.”

“Oh, Markie” Baekhyun teases. “Markie likes older guys.”

“Shut up!” Mark turns red.

“It’s someone from 127?” Jongin asks, joining the game.

Mark nods. Taeyong is biting down his lip, having way too much fun.

“Well, it can’t be Johnny or Haechan,” thinks Ten. “Haechan is younger and Johnny is like your sibling.”

“It’s not Taeyong,” says Jongin. “That leaves five people.”

“We should make bets,” says Baekhyun.

“I doubt it’s Taeil or Doyoung,” says Ten.

“Wait, is it Jungwoo?” Lucas’ eyes widen.

Mark shakes his head.

“Oh, my God!” Ten jolts. “It’s Yuta, isn’t it?”

Everyone looks at Mark, waiting for the answer.

“How did you know?” he laughs.

“I’m smart” Ten shrugs. 

“He just guessed right,” says Lucas.

“No, I’m smart” brags Ten, leaning in and giving Lucas a peck on the cheek.

“Yuta? Damn, Mark. Yuta is hot” says Baekhyun casually.

“You think everyone is hot” Jongin chuckles.

“Yes, I do. So what?” Baekhyun reiterates. “You are all hot. I’m hot. Everyone is hot.”

They laugh at him.

“SuperM hot. EXO hot. SHINee hot. NCT hot. WayV hot…” he keeps going. “And before you scold me, Jongin, I’m allowed to think people are hot even when I’m in a relationship.”

“I didn’t say anything” Jongin raises his hands.

“What about you, Taeyong?” Baekhyun asks. “Are you interested in anyone?”

“Maybe…” he answers, pulling his knees against his chest.

“Oh, tell us,” Baekhyun asks.

“Why are you prying into his life?” Jongin pleads, facepalming.

“It’s fine” Taeyong gives a small smile. “I actually want you guys to meet him because he doesn’t believe me when I say there are couples in SuperM.”

“Is he in NCT?” asks Taemin.

“Yes, we’re in 127 together.”

“We should all hang out sometime” Taemin suggests.

“Deal” Taeyong smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the LAST CHAPTER. YEAH. IT IS. next one is an epilogue, so it's shorter.
> 
> i think it must be strange for someone that didn't read it, but in case you didn't know there are other parts to this universe for the other pairings. so this last scene is like when the avengers go eat shwarma, you know? anyway, just explaining 
> 
> btw next chapter has A SUPRISE with it. like... a candy. 
> 
> see you then! ♥


	17. Hallelujah

Winter is almost over, but it’s still cold outside. It’s a rare day off, the ones Jongin and Taemin usually spend together, enjoying each other. The sun is setting and the last light of the day is disappearing, darkening their living room little by little.

Jongin stopped what he was doing to watch Taemin nap. He’s on the couch, covered by a comforter, seeming so peaceful. Jongin is admiring his boyfriend. He never gets tired of looking at Taemin. It would be impossible to get tired of his beauty, his features, his colorful expressions. But when Jongin watches him sleep, he realizes how this facet is special. Because it’s so intimate. Even if his face has been seen all over the world by countless people, this is the side of Taemin only Jongin has the privilege to see. And he is so honored, he feels so lucky, that he can barely contain the burst of happiness inside his chest.

Taemin moves around, waking up slowly, blinking his eyes open.

“Hm” he goes. “Did I sleep too much?”

“No” Jongin smiles. He comes close and kneels in front of Taemin. “You deserve to rest on our day off.”

“I wanted to spend time with you,” Taemin says, sitting up.

“We are” Jongin smiles.

“You know what I mean” Taemin chuckles and rubs his eyes.

Jongin stays silent, just looking at him.

“What?” asks Taemin.

“Do you know what day is today?” he asks.

“Saturday?”

Jongin laughs. “It’s been a year since I visited you and asked you to date me.”

“Really? Nini!” Taemin leans and kisses him. “You’re so adorable.”

“So I decided it’s time I give you this.”

He takes a jewelry box from his pocket and opens it up, showing two white gold rings. Taemin’s hand flies to his mouth, shocked. Jongin smiles at his reaction.

“Lee Taemin” he starts, feeling his heart flutter. “It’s been a long time, the longest time, since I’ve loved you.”

Taemin’s eyes start filling up with tears. He’s paralyzed.

“I wanna be with you every day. I wanna take care of you forever” Jongin keeps going, feeling his voice get watery from emotions welling up. “And I wish I could scream it to the entire world.”

They are both shaking lightly.

“So let me take you to Malta or Brazil or Australia or really anywhere you want,” says Jongin. “And let me marry you.”

Taemin is crying. He nods and holds Jongin’s hands.

“Yes?” Jongin smiles.

“Yes,” Taemin cups his face and pulls him for a kiss. “Let’s do it.”

Jongin holds Taemin, foreheads touching. Taemin sniffles.

“I’ve been waiting so long for this” Jongin admits. “I bought this months ago.”

“You didn’t!” Taemin is surprised.

“I swear” Jongin laughs, trying to will his own tears away. “I was just waiting for the right time.”

“Oh, God” Taemin chuckles. “I was not expecting this.”

Jongin gets up and sits on the couch, pulling Taemin to his lap, who wipes his tears on his sleeves.

“Can we do it before your enlistment?” Jongin asks.

“But that’s a couple of months away. Isn’t it too soon?” Taemin says.

“I’d marry you right now if I could, Taemin,” Jongin says. “I would have married you last year.”

Taemin beams and gives him a kiss. 

“I don’t need something big,” Jongin explains.

“Me neither,” says Taemin. “You’re all I need.”

“Can I?” Jongin asks, showing the rings again.

“Please” Taemin nods enthusiastically.

Jongin takes his hand and slides the band on Taemin’s finger, and Taemin does the same for him.

“We’ll have to use them on the middle finger, but I don’t care,” says Jongin. “I wanna keep you close to me at all times.”

Taemin wraps his arms around Jongin’s neck and holds tight.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” he whispers.

“Me too, baby.”

  
  


* * *

A month later, Taemin and Jongin get married in a small ceremony at a private location in Malta, with only a few friends and family, among them the members from EXO, SuperM and SHINee. Their cake is filled with meringue and strawberries. Everyone has fun until the late hours of the night.

It’s probably the happiest day of their lives.

They have a two-week honeymoon in a paradisiac resort before coming back to Taemin’s apartment, which is now their home. Jongin still keeps his own apartment just for pretenses. It’s one of the things they have to do to keep their relationship private and they are okay with that.

One afternoon, Taemin is looking at his reflection in the mirror. He sighs deeply.

“Baby” Jongin enters. “Do you need help?”

“Actually, yeah” he answers. “I think you should do it.”

Jongin stares into his eyes, evaluating. “Okay.”

He picks up the electric razor.

“Ready?” Jongin asks.

“Yes.”

The next time Taemin sees himself, his hair is all gone, sporting just a buzz cut, like he’s seen all his hyungs before him. He laughs.

“How do I look?”

“Like my hot husband” Jongin raises an eyebrow, passing his palm on Taemin’s head.

They clean up the bathroom together.

“I’m gonna wash up and take all this hair off of me,” he says, turning on the water.

“Let me join you,” Jongin says, grabbing his waist.

“Well, when you ask like that, how can I say no?” chuckles Taemin.

After enjoying more than a shower together, the couple cuddles in bed. 

“I’ll miss you” Jongin whispers. “The house is gonna be empty without you.”

“I’ll miss you more,” says Taemin, playing with Jongin’s hand. “I’ll miss being at home.”

“It’ll be over soon” Jongin caresses Taemin’s cheek. “And after I come back, we’ll have all the time in the world together.”

That pulls a smile out of Taemin’s lips. 

Taemin’s enlistment day comes. He knows Jongin is trying to be strong and hold his tears in, but in the end, they both cry a lot at the parting. Taemin poses for the classic photo, now with his hyungs sending him off. Jongin and Taemin also take a picture, but they keep that one private.

They can still see each other occasionally and they text daily. Taemin can come home for Christmas as well. But it’s not easy staying away. And when Taemin is discharged, it’s time for Jongin to enlist, and get his head shaved by his husband. 

The day Jongin finally comes home, Taemin jumps on his lap and they start kissing nonstop, while Jongin takes them to their bed.

Hands rip away clothes with urgency, desperate to feel skin under its touch. They are aching for each other, so they don’t waste time, and soon Jongin is inside Taemin, fucking him with enough heat to light a fire on the sheets. Taemin’s eyes fill with tears as he approaches his orgasm, unable to suppress his emotions, clawing at Jongin’s back for purchase.

They cum and moan together, completely in sync, like two pieces of the same matter, two bodies sharing the same soul. 

They’re reunited at last.

Jongin is resting his head on Taemin’s chest while they catch their breaths. They are still half-dressed, Jongin’s uniform pants twisted around his ankles and Taemin shirt pulled up around his neck. Jongin looks at him, dark eyes sweet and loving.

“Hi” he whispers.

“Hi” Taemin smiles.

“I missed you so much.”

Taemin gives him a peck. “I missed you more.”

Jongin chuckles. 

“Let’s get off these clothes,” he says. “I wanna cuddle my husband properly.”

They do that and lay down on their bed after cleaning up. Jongin is nuzzling the top of Taemin’s head, while Taemin traces Jongin’s chest with his fingertips. It’s peace and contentment and happiness and everything Taemin wanted for the last few years. Spending his life with his soulmate.

They had been through so much together, endured so much, suffered so much. But now he knows the future only holds good things for them. He’s so grateful. And he can’t wait for the days ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg this is it! i am actually nervous to post this idk why   
> it's been a long journey but we are at the end :(  
> as you can see, there is a BEAUTIFUL commission i asked from ka1tae, that's her twitter btw  
> i love this drawing so much, she made it without reading the scene, just by me describing their positions and expressions! such artistic genius ♥ she captured the taemin and jongin from this fic, i believe, not only physically but emotionally. ok enough me rambling.
> 
> ps: about the enlistment thing. i got the estimate dates from google, but we never really know when they are going to and now with this new law that idols can postpone their enlistment maybe the dates will change :) either way they must do it eventually. 
> 
> if you like this fic, give me a kudos, a comment here or on cc, my twitter is mizmelodrama!  
> also, you'll see me in the taekai tag again sooner or later, don't worry :)  
> thank you for reading this work! thank you for supporting!  
> be safe pls and happy holidays  
> i hope you have a great 2021 ♥


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